I wrote this one back in August of 2011. I decided to repost
it. It speaks to my desire to be new again.
. . .
Every now and then small pieces of floating debris from
college finds its way to regain my attention. I've been struggling all week to
find my Stella at work. I did very little over the summer to make my transition
into the school year smooth. So here I am scrambling to make it all work. But
no fear, your girl always finds her stride right in it time.
Since the professional me was at a panic at the disco, so
was the writer. I started two post; one pertaining to Teacherdom--the state of
teaching, the other about lying. Yeah. I'm just not feelin' them now. For some
reason they have digressed into mere matter. They have no stance in my heart at
the moment. I have them saved just in case the fire is rekindled.
So back to college, before I wonder too far from my
destination. Dr. Phelan was a fascinating man. Knowledge flowed from his lips
like cold smooth water out the hose on a hot day. I loved his poli/sci class. I
was especially captivated when he lectured on John Locke. Locke was a bad boy!
His work definitely made me pay attention. And here I am thinking about the
concept of gained knowledge and it hits me--blank slate. Locke's theory states
that we are born with a blank slate and we become the author of our soul. Of
course there's more to the theory than the brevity I have given it, but it is
this part that I have been thinking on.
The given theory
states we were born blank, so is it possible to return to this blank state? Of
course man cannot re-enter his mother's womb, but can old knowledge be erased
for new knowledge? I ponder this and more because I question if now my
knowledge is sufficient. Do I actually possess the necessities to make forward
progression? Isn't my forward progression predicated on my now knowledge? Is
there more? More to have, more to gain, more to be?
Stay with me. I don't
desire to place the new on the old for it will spoil the both. New things need
new space to grow. You can't want new green grass by just throwing down some
seed. The birds will ravish your stash and furthermore those new seed will land
upon unprepared ground. If I clean my now slate, I can prepare for those new
seeds to be spread, watered, and increased. With my new blank slate, I can
experience those first moments yet again. The moment when I knew
"this" was it. No matter what the “this” may be, it came with an
undeniable expression of arrival. But moreover it is my desire for progression
that drives me to be blank to gain MORE. I want "this" new to replace
"this" old and broken. My now is not enough to take me where I desire
to go. No specific destination, just forward.
Now I know you are
thinking, if I remove my old to gain new isn't there a possibility that my new
will be old again? Absolutely. Isn't that the beauty of life? You recognize
when you need to stop and start all over again. It's the process of true
maturity...the ability to digest sound doctrine.
So my rebirth is
now....I forget what is behind me. I forget the sting of death for it has no
victory. I forget the broken experiences of first love because it wasn't love
at all. I forget mistakes and half steps that placed my name in true sentences
that I only hoped would have been lies. I forget the losses and relish the
greatness of the gains. I open my heart, my mind, my spirit, and my soul for
the forward path of progression that was created just for me. No one can forger
my path like I can.
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