Thursday, August 27, 2009

Debrief...I Found It

I know, I know. I promised to give the details of teaching my first community college class. Sorry I have been super tired from trying to adjust to the new schedule and the fact that I have to be at work all and sometimes all night...what happened to those summer days????

Anywhoo, class was absolutely AMAZING! I know without a shadow of a doubt I want to be at the college level. I was so at ease in the classroom with a mixture of traditional and non-traditional students, which was at first my biggest fear. But, I gotta have it! Seriously I can't wait for next Tuesday! It felt like I had finally found my oasis. You know the place you begin to search for and it seems to be always three steps ahead of you. You never seem to meet it at the right location at the exact same time.

Standing in front that class made me realize I had arrived. Destiny and I had shared a common space and time.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Did I Say I Was Nervous...

Well I am! Seriously I feel a calm about the situation but at the same time my mind is going a mile a minute! Tonight will be the first class of the night course I teach at the local community college. I went on the final details of my syllabus, made all the needed changes and now all I have to do is print. I decided to print it off on purple paper but I don't wanna be the obsessive instructor that color codes everything so I will tread lightly---I promise! But I'm in overdrive thinking of all the details that I might have missed along the way. Just trying to make sure all my basics are covered for the first day. It's my worst fear that I am going to forget something important!

On the other end, I am excited. This is the moment I have been waiting to happen for quite some time. I wanna teach at this level and believe I will do a darn good job at it too. Don't get me wrong I love the high school, but it's not for me. I'm not a strong disciplinarian and besides there are soooooooooooo many pressures in the high school classroom. I want a little bit of freedom and be around people who have decided to come to class because THEY want what this class has to offer.

So here I go...I'll give you the update tomorrow!

Friday, August 21, 2009

Aww..Friday is here!

Yes, yes it is finally arrived, beloved Friday. The day we all look forward to on Monday!!! Thus far my Friday has been filled with great things. School's out. We are operating on a "heat schedule" (though at the moment it is raining) until after Labor Day so school is dismissed at 1:45. My classes were really good. I taught bell to bell (when the bell rings to begin and then to dismiss) and I had all the student's attention! I'm so proud of myself. I know it is only the beginning, but good starts lead to great finishes!!!

I also booked my flight to see Old Flame...super excited about it!! It's just a weekend but we will make it a good one! My only angst is the Chicago Midway Airport parking. Thank good it is only a weekend so I should only have to pay less than 50 bucks. The 2 1/2 hour drive to and from the airport is okay by me. It's worth the $48each way ticket (Southwest is my new best friend!)

I'm headed to the salon to get a pedicure...thinking about a gold color to complement my skin tone....

And did I mention it's Friday!! I'm happy simply of it's the weekend!

Monday, August 17, 2009

Don't Carry Nothing That Might Be a Load...

So I'm partially addicted to Facebook. I say partially because I don't get all into the extra stuff you can do like sorrity life, farmville, etc. I just wanna keep up with those I have lost contact along the way and most importantly be semi-noise. I care how your life has been going but.....the point (oh yeah let me get back to it) is that my girl Queen had these lyrics posted on her wall and it totally got me thinking.

First it has been forever since I seen The Wiz. I know everyone is on a MJ kick and maybe it's a flick I might try to go find in the next week or so. But really struck me was the revelation of those simple words. ..

Come on And

Ease on down, Ease on down the road
come on, Ease on down, Ease on down the road
don't you carry nothing that might be a load come on, Ease on down Ease on down, down the road

Come on
Ease on down, Ease on down the road(ease on down)
Come on
Ease on down, Ease on down the road(ease on down)
Don't you carry nothing that might be a load
Come on
Ease on down, Ease on down, down the road

Pick your left foot up, when your right foots down
Come on lets keep moving and don't you lose the ground
You just keep on Keepin' on the road that you choose
Don't you give up walking cause you gave up shoes

Ease on down, Ease on down the road (come on)
Ease on down, Ease on down the road
Don't you carry nothing that might be a load
Come on
Ease on down, Ease on down, down the road

Cause there may be times when you think you lost your mind
And the steps you're taking leave you three four steps behind
But the road you're walking might be long sometimes
You just keep on stepping and you'll be just fine (yeah)

Ease on down, Ease on down the road (ease on down)
Ease on down, Ease on down the road (ease on down)
Don't you carry nothing that might be a load
Come on
Ease on down, Ease on down, down the....

For there may be times, when you wish you wasn't born
And you wake one morning just to find your courage gone
but you know that feeling only last a little while
you just stick with us we'll show you how to smile (yeah)

Get 'em up, goin' down (ease on down the road)
Get 'em up, goin' down (ease on down the road)
Get 'em up, goin' down(ease on down the road)
Get 'em up Get 'em up (ease on down the road)

I mean what else is there to say??? The lyrics along speak for themselves! As I walked into my classroom today (yes today was my first official day back--mixed feelings) I decided that I don't have to carry the burdens that were not my own. This year in order to be the best teacher I gotta be the best person all around. This means I gotta relieve my back of loads that I had no business carrying in the first place.

Thursday, August 13, 2009


According to the justice system, human life has no value. NFL quarterback Donte Stallworth received 30 days for killing a 59 year old pedestrian while driving drunk but Michael Vick served 18 months for running a dog fighting ring. I don't get it. Put all the monetary issues aside and really consider this situation, human vs animal. I understand some people value their pets but I'm quite sure it hurt me most to lose my brother than our puppy. In fact I forgot about losing the pup until about an hour ago, but I will never forget that brother was killed.

What a sad state. Human life has lost its value. This man killed a man. Not slightly injured. Mr. Mario Reyes will never be seen, touched, or heard again. Though the same can be said for those poor dogs but there are more dogs. In fact the animal shelter has to euthanize dogs everyday because there are no homes for them and little fuss is made.

Though I am the ultimate Falcon fan in no way am I justifying Vick's actions. Just pointing out the inconsistencies in life.....

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Over and Over

Gotta say things are getting better for me. Since Saturday I have had a great release and I'm realizing not going to see Old Flame was a good thing for me. I did some work at my church and I heard a song that really pushed me into my sunshine. I realized there is a bright sun after the clouds.....

Vashawn Mitchell featuring Kim Burrell Over and Over

Over and over I ask myself what am I still doing here
Continually to continue to wake me up again
What am I still doing here, that is the question
I ask myself, what am I still doing here?
These are the questions in my head,
Lord I'm asking for your help to find myself
my life you kept

You keep loving me, when I couldn't even love myself
You forgive me when I do wrong over and over again
You chastise me, Lord you put me back in my place
That's how you show me you love me over and over again

So there must be a reason why I'm still here
It is evident and it is so clear
There is a calling,calling on my life
A higher calling, that's why I gave you my life

Friday, August 7, 2009

Self Sabatoge

So I'm supposed to fly up North to see Old Flame tomorrow (Saturday, but I don't think I am going to go. Why? I have no clue. I'm at a point in my life where I am broken. I have lost some motivation over the past few months. I'm not lost, but I'm not found by no means. I think about my brother everyday. The slightest thing can make me emotional. Like to the point where I cry!

My Aunt says it's God trying to get my attention. He's waiting for me to turn back to Him and really fall before Him. I do agree. My spirit is lacking a bit. I am the first to admit. I have fallen off on my personal relationship with God. I was so much more attentive to it, but lately it has been like everything else getting less than what it deserves.

I also am having second thoughts about Old Flame. I'm asking myself if this is what I really want. I don't feel like I have anything to offer at the moment. I found myself the other day totally doing things out of character just to get a rise out of him. In my mind I was flippin like, whooooaa this is not the Tiffany I know. He paid for my way to come see him but I don't wanna go. I want to go so that we can have a great face to face conversation but at the same time I am not sure about this. I think because I can all these wacky feelings going on in my mind and heart that being with him will only complicate my issues. And I don't need any more complexities at the moment.

So what is a girl to do?

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Am I Needy?

So I worked the majority of the day moving into a new classroom across the hall from my current classroom. Though I'm not super excited about the move, I'm trying to be a team player, ya know. I made a bitch move in May and now I may be paying for it! Not one of my finest moments but I gotta deal with it. Being a bitch can be costly. Anyway that's so not the direction I intended to go with this post. But I may have to go back and explore the cost of being a bitch later in a post! Everything has a price, huh?

Now to the real topic. Old Flame and I have been "courting" since April. Of course there has been a moment or two when I had to go there. You know what I mean. Tell him how I saw the situation and put all cards on the table. Being in a long distance relationship tends to have these communication issues that can be difficult to solve because things get lost in translation. Because he can't see my facial expressions and the rise of my voice can be misleading--at least I think so! Anywho--we had a real drag out during one of the rare moments and I thought it was going to be the end of us. I really did but somehow we have keep on working it together.

But I question myself, though I haven't asked him, if I am being a bit too needy. I don't wanna be the chick who seems to need mouth to mouth resuscitate every other day. Despite it's catchy hook and lyrics I don't wanna be like J. Holiday--
I can't breathe when you talk to me
I can't breathe when you're touching me
I suffocate when you're away from me
So much love you take from me
I'm goin outta my mind

But I find myself wanting to talk to him as much as I can. In my mind I wanna justify my actions because we do live so far apart and secondly I know school it is going to start back soon and the talk time is going to be very precious. Not only will I be teaching 5 preps (that's teacher talk meaning teaching 5 different classes) I will be teaching a night class at the local community college and working in their writing lab. Because I do teach writing I gotta grade papers! Clarification I gotta grade essays! Numerous essays! Somewhere in the melee I gotta find time to continue my workouts, my volunteer time, and have somewhat of a social life with my girls! Then I gotta make time to talk to him and go see him when it is my turn (we alternate).

I feel like I gotta hold on so tight so that I won't lose grip of this new thing in my life. Why I feel this way???? IDK Part of my is afraid of losing someone that I love so dear like I lost my brother. In my mind I know it's a totally different situation and person but my heart is so tender and afraid. Old Flame came at the time when I realized I had not dealt with my brother's death and I began to walk through the process. He has been so good during this time. He listens to me cry and helps me to "see" the situation and that sometimes I tend to be a bit harsh on myself.

So besides this transfer of fear I guess I'm looking at the coming months & wondering if I really want this relationship or I am trying to find a way to back out. Part of me is like I don't need this right now. Not being self-centered at all, I can basically have any man that I want. Being a single woman is a damn powerful situation! I can date and play the field. I can have my cake and eat it too! Been then done that and it's really not me. It gets tiring after a way. You just want one man to love you for who you are. So now that I have that why do I feel like I am being super needy with him.

Maybe the distance thing is playing with my mind. Do I think he has some chick up there, nope! I have no doubt in my mind that he only has eyes for me. That's not the issue. It's something that I can't seem to put my hands on right now. Something is making me wanna be all in his grill and I really don't wanna be all in his grill---if that makes sense!

Maybe it's the time. He has always been in and out of my life. But no matter where I was he always found me. Our high school time together was so puppy love and fresh. Then I went to college and we saw each other at odd places--gas stations, stoplights, etc. He even thought about moving back home. I was so focused on school that I didn't give him a lot of attention. I knew if I took my eye off school for one moment, it was over! I was a couple of steps away from wildin' out and I knew it! So I had to play him to the left in a little bit. So now that we are adults and the opportunity has presented itself again I don't wanna lose it so I hold on dearly to it all.

So what makes me think I am needy? Well the fact that I wanna talk to him any chance I get--lately 3 or 4 times a day. I don't care if the conversations are 8 minutes or 30 minutes. I just wanna hear his voice. It's odd to me too. I think something is wrong with me.......

Sunday, August 2, 2009

I'm Home!

So I made it in this morning from beautiful Atlanta, GA. The weather was super nice for my vaca and all was well--I take that back; it was a roller coaster of a trip.

#1 Touched down Saturday--one of the best flights I have ever taken total trip time 1:25 mins. But it took 2 hours to get to my dad's because of the traffic! 85 was down to one lane so we tried to take a different route and it was stand still traffic!!! I was in traffic longer than I was on the dang-on plane.

#2 Saturday night I spent with my cousins--got a little wasted. Take that back a lot wasted on Skyy vodka. I normally don't drink much but Skyy is so smooth you really don't realize how much you are drinking. Then went to the Waffle House. Trouble! I was soooooo sick the next day. I could barely move! I think it was the food. I was straight until I ate. I sleep the whole day--literally the whole day. It wasn't until Monday that I started feeling better.

#3 I had courage enough, after 8 trips down there, to finally start driving around by myself. I was soooo excited. Like a 16 yr. old with her L's! I drove my step-mom's truck everywhere! It was starting to feel like a second home!

#4 So I'm my dad's only child. He has been living in the ATL area since I was six. I started visiting him when I turned 14. Of course he takes care of me when I visit, but this visit was a little different. He bought me anything I wanted. Seriously! I didnt have to come out of pocket for anything. He even bought me a laptop----I KNOW! I was so shocked and excited that I got scared. It was like the still quiet before the storm.

#5 I love my cousins but damn! One has a BAD ass son! This little dude is an hell raiser! He doesn't want to got to the bathroom so he shits & pisses in corners of the house. Too much!

#6 Ate at my fav ATL area spot, This is it! I love that place! It's about 40 mins from my dad's house but damn it worth the drive!

#7 Got a phone call while on vaca asking me to work in the writing lab at the local community college. Way stoked! God is really showing me favor! I'll be teaching a night class there as well. I think this might be my time to shine! Watch out! They done gave me an opening now I'm about to kick some walls down so somebody can have a better view!

#8 My cousin made me miss my flight. I was highly pissed! I mean highly! Thankfully I got rescheduled for free. But if I had to pay then there was going to be hell to pay the piper! But now that I'm home I'm good! I know now not to depend on them suckas!

I'm back home chillin on the new laptop, hey it's kinda nice! I like! Imma relax and get ready to head up north in a few days to see Old Flame--I gotta see my baby! Then its back to work! Yuck!