You Are The Answer

Funny story--I know a guy M, who is always fixing things. Like I mean it can be the muffler on his van, the alternator in his car, the hard drive on his desk top, the speaker in his television. I mean the man is ALWAYS fixing something. I call him Handy Manny and tell him next time I am gonna have to look for him fixing the pot holes on his Brooklyn street!!! As much as I laugh about what he is always fixing and creating and building and making, there is something that I admire about his tenacity. If he can do it, he does it. He will try to figure out almost anything. Yet he knows his limits. He will do what he can then call the professional to complete the work. He always says to me, I know what I can do but I am not afraid to get the help I need. And he's not. What I notice about him, (and another reason why I call him Handy Manny) he will not only ask for help but he will BE the help when needed.

What a testament, right. Can we say that? Can we be reflective and really say that we TRIED? Like we put in all our efforts to be the ANSWER to the call, the SOLUTION to the problem? Often we look for others when we truly are the key. We mumble and grumble. Huff and puff. Waiting for someone else to "get it right," "work it out," when the person we are truly waiting for is looking back at us in the mirror. I know I know I have said this before. You gotta deal with you first.

Hear me out, stop waiting for the answer when you ARE the answer. It all starts with you. No matter the issue you see, start with you first. MJ got it right when he said "I'm starting with the man in the mirror. I'm asking him to change his ways." No one has taken your sport and you haven't missed your moment. It just hasn't arrived because you haven't dealt with you. Everything you desire, want and need starts with you. Do your part to be the best you possible. And when you get it wrong, apologize, fix it and learn from it. Nobody's perfect. We all are traveling down this road called life with the sole goal of leaving this space and place greater than we found it. But it requires you to answer the call. Literally no one can do you better than you. No one can fit that space that was designed for you.

Stop giving up on you.

It's not too late.

The greatest bet you can make is on yourself.

Take the risk, believe you are worth the call. Answer it.

Someone needs to see what grit looks like. That comebacks really exist. That living is possible. That peace is attainable. That perfection doesn't exist. That in every situation there is always something to give. That you are enough. That happiness is real. That it ain't easy, but it's worth it.

Answer your call.

Put Your Mask On First

We have zero ability to change others. Zero. We have no power to change the attitude, character or actions of others. None.

Yet we can influence the attitude, character and actions of others. How? By simply being our true and authentic self. In a world full of filters and cover-ups, choosing to be who we truly are at this moment is priceless. It's one of the most power gifts we can give to ourselves and those around us. It's how we leave our impact on this planet--choosing to belong just as we are.

By no means am I stating that choosing ourselves is an easy one. Yet I do know it is the only way to truly change the world. Sorry but there's no next Beyonce', or Cardi B, or whoever may be the hottest "it" artist at the moment. It simply can not exist. Because there is only one. One of you. One of them. Literally only one.

So since it's only one of you, why not be you. I get it. I have flaws and all--I am constantly unhappy with this belly that has worked its way back in my life. But it's still a part of me. And I literally have the power to make the change I want to see. No one can do the work for me. I have to conquer the battle in my mind and then put them work in to be different. I can't ask 3/4 of me to stand outside and only allow the 1/4 of me to be present. I have to take all of me into every space and place I occupy. I have to be at peace with me. It's impossible to make impact or have influence on others if I refuse to deal with all of me.

It's easy to point the finger. It takes courage to look in the mirror and recognize one's own reflection. No matter what you think you see or what you even don't want to see; it's you. As they say when you fly, put your mask on first then help those around you.

You want to help others, help you. You want someone else to do something different, how about you start with YOU. It's easy to see what others need, but have you looked at you lately?

Change and impact first starts with you. You want to see others be different and do things differently, you take the first step.

Lowered Expectations

I remembered laughing hysterically to MADtv's Lowered Expectations. It was a parody on the concept of video dating right before the buddings of online dating. Essentially if you were willing to lower your expectations, you literally could have none of your desires. I mean maybe 2 or 3, but that might even be pushing it.

While I thought the skits were funny, in hindsight they were a mirror of our modern lives. When we begin to believe we don't deserve what we desire, we begin to accept any and all substitutions. Most times the substitution appears to be similar to the original. But it's not. Yet many times we accept it anyway. Close enough. Almost. It's okay. 

It's a really tough spot. We know what we want, yet patience givens in to want versus wait and we settle. We end up what getting what we think we want, but it is not what we need in the moment.

It's a really tough spot. We know we don't wanna be there. We condemn ourselves to the negative consequences of the decision and come to believe we deserve it. But that's far from the truth. You're deserving of more. Much more.

Yes it's tough. Yes it is. But tough doesn't mean impossible.

Stand firm in your convictions and truths. Man can't manipulate time, so don't believe what he or she says should occur at a specific time in your life. Maintain your expectations. What you desire will be. It takes you preparing yourself to maintain it. Stay your course. Don't lower your expectations. You got this. You are worth it. 

Dare to be YOU.

I had one of those moments. You know the ones. When you hear the voice whisper the seed of negativity and you take the bait. Yep. I took the bait. For a good 3 to 5 minutes I thought I was everything wrong. That I was a failure. That this closed door confirmed every negative thought I ever uttered about myself. Yep I took the bait.

For context, I was making my way to the train after a decent first day of my new part-time gig in the Bronx. As first days go, I was bombarded with a lot of necessary information to give context to the position. It's work I know but in a different context. So I am excited about learning more about the nonprofit sector. And then boom. I get the email that I did not make it to the next round of the interview process for the a position I applied for at a local university. Dang. Another NO. A loud NO. Even after completing a weeklong complex performance task. I got feedback from a fellow educator about the task and worked even harder to revise it. I really gave it my best and still a NO.

Immediately I begin to think that maybe I wasn't good enough. That my best wasn't enough. That some way, some how I did something where I didn't deserve to have this position. It took everything within me and a crowded train to hold back the tears. With those thoughts looming, I took out my earbuds and continued to listen to my podcast which so happened to be Pastor Mike Todd of Transformation Church in Tulsa, OK. It was a series from 2018 he did on God's Grace--Grace Like a Flood. I pressed play and heard---"God looks at you and says, it's good. The only thing that can define a thing is its creator."

I let that NO define my worth in that split moment. I didn't see the good thing that God had created. I didn't see me. I saw what I thought was the ways that others defined me. The ones that didn't create me. The ones that don't have a way already made for my present and future.

I have got to choose me. If I don't no one else will. Sure it stings a bit when others don't see you as you, but it's literally okay. I am learning to be appreciative of closed doors too. I let what I didn't have at the moment distract me from what I do have--a job. Sure it's part-time right now but I see how my skill set can benefit the community the job serves and what I can learn from the experience as well. I have to stop looking at what I don't have and allowing that to define me. What I do have is much greater.

I want to stand in the courage to wake daily to be my authentic self. I literally can only be ME.

Choosing Gratitude

It's easy to be consumed by what is assumed to be the long road ahead. Our dreams and goals seem long in the distance, almost unattainable. Yet we forget the rugged hills we made it over to get to this very point. Sure you may not have arrived at that desired outcome, yet you are so much closer than you think.

While it seems like you may be in the midst of your greatest battle with no way through, give thanks.  Yep those moments were intentionally designed to break you. To count you out. To eliminate your greatness from breaking through. But you are here. Give thanks.

When in the battle it's challenging to see the win. But know the fight is fixed. These things are only meant to sharpen your iron. Give thanks while you persevere through the storm.  The mere fact that you are even still in the fight means you have so much worth fighting for. Give thanks, don't give in.

We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair. Persecuted but not forsaken. Cast down, but not destroyed. Give thanks. We are still here.

Today choose to walk in gratitude knowing that every ounce of your being in this moment is greater than you were yesterday and the day before and the day before. With a grateful heart know your present it creating a future beyond your wildest dreams. Give thanks. Gratitude says I know things are always necessarily good, yet I stand in appreciation and acceptance of the gift.

Appreciate the moment.
Practice mindfulness.
Be patient.
Practice kindness.

Know your light affliction is but a moment and is working something far more greater in you and for you. Show gratitude for that greater coming.

Let's Talk About it . . .

So we just gonna pretend that it doesn't exist. That it never happened. That it didn't hurt. That we didn't feel it. That we didn't live it. That it if we keep it buried on the inside somehow it will disappear.

It won't. It's still there. Even it you buried it. It's still there. It didn't leave. All you did was burry a corrupt seed that has sprouted and blossomed into more hurt and pain by new names--fear, doubt, shame, just to name a few. It becomes this vicious cycle devouring and consuming whatever is life-bearing. It's still there.

Yes, you are consuming you when you refuse to talk about it. Silence is killing you. Literally. Think about it, when you are in immediate danger, what's the first thing you do? Shout and scream. You want help to hear you and come to your rescue. And some of us have been trained to shout fire so that others will truly be able to distinguish our urgent need for help. It's still there.

You gotta talk about it. It's a part of you, yet that moment doesn't define the greatness of who you are. You gotta talk about it. It's still there. Traveling with you from place to place--here to there--settling right within you.

You gotta dig it up. Your very life depends on it. It's impossible to get where you really wanna be by keeping it buried within. It's only a moment of your story that actually has the power to make you greater if you talk about it. It's still there. You don't want to merely survive; you wanna live. You gotta talk about it. Own your story. It's yours. It deserves to be told by you.

Erase the shame. Shame says you are bad and you believe it. Yet don't confuse the feelings. Yes bad things may have happened to you and you may have even done some bad things. But you are not bad. Talk about it. We all have a story to tell. The key is to tell it to those who deserve to hear it. Be selective. Don't merely throw your pearls before swine to consume. Even if it means getting professional help, TELL it. That's a great safe place to start to talk about it. There's nothing wrong with attending to your emotional and mental health needs. Stop believing that lie. What's in you has got to come out. It has to be dug up from the roots. A job the professionals have been trained to handle. Then replaced with tilled ground and good seeds. You gotta talk about it.

It's still there.

Tell it so that you can live.

Daily Practice

Consistency has been my word for 2019. I told God I wanted to practice consistency in using my gifts and talents. I've spent far too much time taking it all for granted. Leisurely tapping into my gifts and talents at convenience rather than responsibility. This week makes for vid and post #7. By no means am I celebrating yet. There's plenty of work to be done. And I do plan to stay the course because the mere act of consistency has been beyond rewarding.

So with consistency in mind I want to be intentional about my daily practices. I want to rise with intentional focus and know that even if I make mistakes or totally fall along the way, that I took the risk. I showed up with full effort to give it my all. 

I am intentional about:

1. Practicing boundaries. Boundaries are not just saying no. It's about accountability. Holding ourselves and others accountable takes daily deliberate practice. It means I stand in my truths, values and morals unafraid of what may be. 
2. Practicing consciousness. I am aware of my gift and talents. Of their potential and power. Of how they are a part of my being yet they are not all of what makes me me. Yet I understand when I operate in my gifts and talents I am my most giving self. I am aware of who I am--strengths, flaws and all. And I am accepting of each and every part of me. And by staying connected to my center, God, I am trusting my process despite my challenges. T
3. Practicing choice. I choose to be the best that I can be. I choose to not place my value and worth in the hands of others. I choose my morals and values and convictions. I choose love. I choose me. I choose a circle of friends rooted in being connected to each other---we feel heard, seen and valued by each other. I choose kindness. I choose to show up as my most authentic self. 

By no means am I perfect or striving for perfection that doesn't exist. I don't claim to know the road from here to there. I just want to embrace all of who I am intended to be each and every day. 

Challenges Don't Change the Truth

Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

It's had tacks in it,

And splinters,

And boards torn up,

And places with no carpet on the floor --

Bare.

But all the time

I'se been a-climbin' on,

And reachin' landin's,

And turnin' corners,

And sometimes goin' in the dark

Where there ain't been no light.

So boy, don’t you turn back

.Don’t you set down on the steps’

Cause you finds it’s kinder hard.

Don’t you fall now—For I’se still goin’, honey,

I’se still climbin’,And life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.

--Mother to Son, Langston Hughes

It's no secret. We are encounter challenges all the time. Yet it seems like they come after we thought we "made" it through the storm! I have been officially unemployed for 8 months. And this part of my journey has been no crystal stair. I told God he betta pull through on one of these last three interviews because I totally learned all I needed to learn at this point and I am ready for THE door to open. I have applied to soooo many jobs, been on sooo many interviews--I stopped counting at like 15, and I am just sooo over it all!!! 

Then Monday rolls around and I get an email at 1:30pm with another "unable to offer employment" messages. At first I was like, okay no biggie, this wasn't THE door. My momentary okay turned sour throughout the day and soon I found myself wanting to cast blame--what did I do wrong this time. 

To say my this portion of my journey has been tough is only the tip of it. The moving iceberg underneath carries so much the eyes can't see. And please don't take my sharing as a moment of shame. I share because it is my reasonable duty. No point in keeping it secret. We all have challenges on the journey. Folks watching just want to know how we are making it through. And here's what I have to say to myself....my current challenges don't change the Truth.  God is still God. His plan for my life is still very present and working for my favor. My worth, value, talent, skill and ability are not valued by the numbers of yes or no I receive. I don't need to necessarily know the details of it all because I am not conforming to a fit or a type or a like. I am determined to live through my challenges as they refine my faith, character, talent, gifts, and goals. These challenges are my preparation for THE door. Yes it was easy to fall trap, but I didn't. Yes I felt my feelings, asked myself why I felt that way, then decided I would continue to exercise my faith--God you still have two more opportunities, I can't wait to see which one you desire me to explore...

So it the mean time and even the lean time, I will hold fast to these words: 

1. This journey is personal--it's MINE. Forget what you heard; there's no magic time frame. I am truly a better human today that I have even been in my life. I know more about God, faith and relationship than every before. 
2. Keep faithful; consistency is the major key to success. I recently told my brother that I am not ready to venture into entrepreneurship because I am working on being consistent with my time and talent right now. It I can't be faithful with this small thing I surely can't handle any more. I am learning to carry my cup over the river and through the woods while it is half full so that as increase is added, I already have built the patience and persistence needed for that additional weight and responsibility.
3. Do a lot with the little bit I may have. Giving isn't all monetary. Whatever I find my hands to do, I should do it. Give of my  time, talent, love, mercy, grace--basically all that I have to fit the need. Talent buried births bitterness, anger, frustration, and so much more negativity. In other words when you fail to nurture and live in your Truth and purposes (yes you have MANY purposes in life) you truly ain't living. I am devoted to giving of this talent because I know others need to see they are not alone. I'm a river  and I got folks to feed. 
4. This time is no different. I have been through tough times before and I will come through this one too. Life ain't been no crystal stair, but I won't sit down. These challenges don't change my Truth. 

Submission: Whose Mission of Life are You Aligned to?

I have become a podcast newbie. I have a specific set of folks I have started following for professional and personal learning. And it never fails that I pick up so many nuggets of good stuff. Recently I was listening to The Love Hour with the comedian KevOnStage and his wife, MrsKevOnStage and she said something that struck my soul....submission simply means to come under or in agreement with a mission. I begin to think how we tend to attach such a negative connotation to such an important life concept. I immediately asked myself, whose mission of life am I submitting to and am I totally aligned to that mission? Like come on in the room! I was shocked myself--like did I just say that! God was all up in my commute. Am I living the life I desire or have I submitted and ascribed to the convictions of others watching my dreams fizzle away?

It's time we are honest with ourselves--whose life are we living? 

Yes, your most wildest and magnificent dream is 100% possible. It's your life mission. And while you may not have all the specific parts and pieces, as you submit to making it a reality that which you need will manifest for you. Are you willing to do the work?

Submit to peace and positivity. Choose to see the situation exactly as it is; an opportunity. A chance that didn't exist before. Sure the packaging may not be as described, yet it's within you to take what's inside and create. Don't give in so easy to whatever is presented your way. It's okay to be slow to speak and quick to think. Hold your tongue! Everything stated or seen doesn't need your attention or response. Take this opportunity to cultivate and plant exactly want you desire to reap.

Submit to patience and embrace time. Listen we have ZERO control over time. Submitting to what society defines as life milestones will kill your joy and your mission for that matter. Nahh you don't have to reach the outcome when they say you should. I have no clue who they may be, yet I understand how controlling they can be. When we submit to "they" we forfeit our dreams. We willing align to this joyless rat-race of chasing the ever exclusive "American Dream." Fall out of agreement with "they." Believe me, whenever you reach the outcome the reward is still just as sweet!

Dream again. The unique talents and gifts that you have been endowed will create rivers. Rivers are life sources. Did you hear me? You are a LIFE source. (Now that is a word! Like honestly I felt that one!) When you submit to what is not for you, you kill the future of what should be. Someone needs the source you have. Someone needs the life in you so s/he can live. Tomorrows are created by todays. Keep going. Keep moving forward. Keep grooming your journey, planting your seeds, gathering your harvest so that you can give as you gain and gain as you give.

Nobody told you the road would be easy. Literally no one has said to you your journey would be easy because quick and easy ain't living. Sure some parts of your mission may be easier than others only because you did the pre-requisite work. Your efforts and work is not in vain when your mission.  No where in your dreams--as wild and giant and magnificent as they are, did you see easy. You saw you in all of the shine you 100% deserve. Go get it. Dream the mission God planted within you at birth. Align to the steps God has already ordered for you. Don't worry about time--God can redeem it. Go get it. Accept your mission. Start your course. Go get it.

It's time we are honest with ourselves--whose life are we living? What have you submitted to? If it's not the mission you 100% desire, abort.

Stop Trying and Start Trusting

Soooo I am telling you to stop trying and I mean it! Stop trying to make things happen as you believe they should be in the timing that you believe it should happen. Stop forcing it to be. Stop trying to figure it out. What is meant to be will be. You don't have to understand it all so stop trying to.

Trust your process. Life is happening for you, not to you. The outcomes you desire are coming to you through your process. Every idea, every dream is being manifested for you. Trust the process. 

No need to compare. Each process belongs to the one owner. It's uniquely YOURS. Trust. What is yours is yours.

It's greater than you. Your process is guiding you through progress. You're gaining as you go. Your healing. Deeper understanding of self, others and purpose here on Earth. Trust every situation you encounter is being forth your greatness. Your greatness is intended to give to others. Trust. 

Keep working. Be consistent in your work. Be faithful to your work. Be grateful for your work. Trust. All that work in your process doesn't go unnoticed. Trust. It's working for you.

Change your perception. Not lack but wealth. Wealth of opportunities. Trust. You have within you all you need to obtain all that you need to gain at this exact moment. 

Trust your process. It's working out for you. Don't try to force it to be. Trust your process. The outcome is coming for you. 

Failure Before Success

We are living in a world that values success greater than the road to get there. We are blinded by the the glory in the end result. Yet the process in the progress is where the true beauty lies. Especially when we fail. That's where the magic happens. Where you find your wind between your face and the ground. The wind that will carry the next seed needed to be planted for your harvest. Hold tight. Success is a failure away.

I say with confidence; your success is greater because of your failures. Much richer. Much more appreciated. Ask anyone who has reached a major milestone of success how many failures occurred before that success. I am quite positive each person could pen a detailed account of the failures along with the lessons in those losses. And that is the magic. If we are willing to listen to the failure we would gain several valuable lessons. And if do the work to use what we have learned from those lessons, growth and change is inevitable. That's the key. It's the very essence of your journey that will, if applied, continuously push you to success after success after success.

Nope. It's not pretty or polished. It's ugly and dirty. You cry. Sometimes a lot. It hurts. May even feel like the pain is too much to bear. Yet know you were give ideas for your many successes and this birthing pain is only temporary.

Don't give up on your possibilities because of the fear of failure. You literally have nothing to loss by following all that your heart desires. Failure is only a part of the process. An essential part. But a small part in comparison to your coming greater gain.  A pebble in the road that looks like a mountain from afar. It's meant for you to overcome failure. Not stop before acquiring all that you need. It can't skipped. In that ugly package is a glorious gift. Don't miss the lesson in disguise.

So. . . . . 

Dream it. Those crazy ideas are yours. Deposited in your spirit during day-dreams or star glazes, long walks, short drives. They are yours. And yes; even your wildest dreams are possible.

Create the plan. Write it down. You may not have all the whole vision yet. Write it as you see it. Allow your imagination to flow to that desired outcome. Sure all the pieces of the path may not be present, yet. No worries. They will appear right when the timing is right. And what you need may be wrapped in a failure or two.

Leap. If you truly want that desired outcome don't wait for the net to appear; just leap. Watch God orchestrate the universe to provide all that you need.

Invest in ear plugs. The people around you will try to cast clouds on your sun. Their negative words are poisonous darts of distraction. Don't listen. Remember you have success that you are after, not the approval of the naysayers.

Follow YOUR yellow brick road. It's no straight line. Plenty of curves and bumpy roads. But it's yours. Don't forget that. It's yours. It's making you. Taking you to your desired outcome. Don't get distracted by those curves and bumps. Each one you take will prepare you for the next one. Don't get off the path. Stay your course. No one else's course will take you where you wanna go. What's for you is for you.

Don't stop. 
--be resilient
--be fierce
--be a fighter
--be determined
--be focused
--be unstoppable


Fail. Then get back up and try it again. And again. And again.

You Deserve All The Good Things

Note to self. . .

You are so much greater than you can even begin to imagine. Too often we magnify our imperfects so much that we fail to see the total human we are. How truly magnificent we are. At no point can we leave half of ourselves outside and allow only the other half to enter the room. Wherever you tread, you take all of you with you. Yes all those amazing qualities far outweigh those growing areas. In the midst of it all you deserve ALL the good things.

These good things aren't reserved only for others; yours belong to you. We all have a special shelf lined with special good things awaiting us as we walk through our life journey. Yes awaiting us. Our good things are manifested as we do the work. Yes we have to do the work to have all that we deserve.

Believe you are deserving of the good things. The faith needed to succeed does need not to be a huge amount. Only the size of a mustard seed. Have you actually seen a mustard seed? If you hold it in the palm of your hand it is sure to get lost in one of the lines of your palm; it's that small. And that's all you need to begin to receive all the good things. It all starts with what you believe.

 Enlarging your capacity to receive the good things. In our current space we can't hold and maintain the good things. Like any vessel, we must be emptied and cleaned. Releasing who we think we are for who we want to be requires acknowledgment. It's okay that we missed whatever the mark may have been. Recognize the lesson to be learned, embrace it, yet keep moving. Shedding those strings of past things makes space for what you are really supposed to have.

Keep moving forward. Time does not operate merely on the rise and setting of the sun. Take no worry in time when you are doing the work. When your desire matches your drive toward your goal, the good things manifest just as they should. Do not be dismayed if the "time" seems to go by without the manifestation. Trust the process. It's coming. Be anxious for no thing. All you deserve will come. You are doing to the work to make it happen.


Yes, you deserve ALL the good things.

You are Doing a Freaking Great Job

I am confident God sends those you need with the most fitting words of encourage at exactly the right time. Em told me that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. 

It's no secret that I have been in a a challenging part of my journey these past 7 months. Being unemployed has been a true testament of my very being. To say I have cried and then cried and then cried is not enough to share how all parts of this moment in my journey has impacted me. And to hear those words, I literally stopped in my tracks. 

How can this be right where I am supposed to be? This moment....this moment. Like really? Am I supposed to be in this right now? Why? How? When it this going to end??? I have asked these questions several times to no clear answer. And at this point I don't think I will get a verbal response. And if I am honest, I am not sure if I can handle the response. Yet what I do know, trouble don't last always. Moments are just that...moments. They come in this journey to strengthen, to purge, to recreate, to enlighten, and to heal. This moment is no different. 

 And if I am honest, before this moment, I had not been doing a great job of taking care of me. I was not aligned to my center....I had taken God off the throne of my heart and made my journey totally about me in a not so good way. I was hurt...so many self-inflicted wounds. Wallowing in doubt, being let by frivolous material gains and just walking/running/crawling toward whatever open door I could see. Even if that open door was no good for me. 

So yes, I am now exactly right where I am supposed to be. Learning to be great at being me. Learning continuous growth is the key. I am not who I was when 7 months ago, or even 2 weeks ago. I gained some clear insight about myself (thank you Naj!) forgave myself and realized that I am blessed. So blessed. Even in this moment I have had all my needs met. God is truly faithful. And I am grateful. Teary eyed yet grateful. 

While this moment will define this chapter, it's only one chapter.  A brief history. Only a small portion of the beautiful being that is becoming me.