Sunday, November 23, 2008

Truth is....

So one her first album, (do people still say albums or am I dating myself???) Fantasia dropped the single, Truth Is. Just so happen I was listening to my playlist and that song came on.

Ran into an old friend yesterday
Caught me by surprise when he called my name
He was a familiar face, from a chapter in my past
Talked for a while, asked him how it's been
Said that he was seeing somebody and
Told me this was gonna last
Showing me her photograph
And all the feelings that I thought were gone
Came rushing back to me at once
Tried to smile and hide the way I felt
But I was thinking to myself
(Truth is) I never got over you
(Truth is) Wish I was standing in her shoes
(Truth is) And when it's all said and done
Guess I'm still in love with you
(Truth is) I never should have let you go
(Truth is) And it's killing me cuz now I know
(Truth is) And when it's all said and done
Guess I'm still in love with you

When I heard it I instantly thought about my high school flame, Carthell. I think I still love him??? I use question marks because I am really trippin about this one! I mean do you ever really stop loving someone? Honestly I can say I have only really loved a couple of men in my short life, one I am completely over but Carthell, I don't know what it is about this dude that he is always on my mind! I am trying to rationalize every possible reasoning behind my feelings. Maybe it is that I infatuated with the idea of what could be if we were to get back together...or maybe its the idea I know he loved me when we were together. Real talk I know he loved me for me no questions asked. Maybe that's the deal. The ideal of his love being real is what captures my heart and makes me want he again! So maybe I didn't get over him. Maybe I am still in love with him?

In my short years, finding real love is not an easy task in 2008! It seems like I am not coming in contact with those men who want something real, not commercial and artificial. I am not saying it has be to a committed relationship. I am open to almost anything, almost! Friends first is my motto. No matter if the relationship is casual , temporary, or lasting in permanency, I want it to be real. Being a grow(ing) woman means I can accept the things that come in my life for a moment or a life time with no hard feelings whatsoever! Regardless, I'm ready for the next big thing or person in my life.

I am at a stage in my life where I am really thinking. Seriously I think about each step I make and why I make it and my intentions for making it! When I time has expired I don't wanna look back in regrets for anything! I wanna say I took ever opportunity to love, live, and grow!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Our Work Is Not Done Yet!

Wow...I know, I know Obamania is still surging strong! But, in all seriousness can you blame'em? Change is always worth the hubbub! As a Black woman, I never imagined seeing a Black man as a president; not because it was never done, but in part because the fact that racism still exist. People it was only 40 years ago that the Civil Rights Movement was in full swing. My mom is 49 yrs. old! I am four generations removed from slavery! Yes we have come a long way but the work is not done yet! We did nothing if we think getting Obama in office is were the work stopped! Don't get me wrong, it was amazing to see so many people voting, but why so late??? How can you be in your 30's and this is your first time voting? What a mockery to our grandparents for being lynched, burned, and beat for just trying to register to vote! People we have to get out and do something now! We have no excuse. Now it is really time for the real workers to get out and work! If we continue to let our neighborhoods go to hell, what was the purpose of being a part of making history? Change means change---doing something different. We must go beyond ourselves and help change the world!

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Hurt Feelings

So this past week was a crazy one! One day I was on top, the next ready to quit quick!!! It's crazy how one moment the wind can be in your wings gliding you through the clear blue sky then you run smack dead into a tree and your caught. Can't move. Stuck. In life we expect these situations to arise...those who expect a clean and clear path don't expect to gain. I know the road, not matter which one it is, will never be easy. But I never expected the ones who are supposed to help me and encourage me on the road, are the ones who set the spikes for my flat! I was truly hurt this week. How do we move beyond hurt? True hurt that stings for more than a day or a week. How do we pick back up and get back on the road? It's been five days since the incident and I still feel the pain. And I had to work with the person today with an activity. I had to put on a happy face and go on despite my hurt feelings. And I did it. I took the low road of humility and stayed and worked through the 3 hour event. But I am still hurt! How do I move beyond??? Will I be able to get make the "me" again? Or do I have to evolve into this new being? I don't have all the answers. And I don't know if at this point I can willing to apply an answer to my problem.

It's amazing how our feelings can be the bane of our existence. Through these feelings we can love and create some amazing relationships yet, at the same time we can fall so hard that we don't get up again and never try to create again.

I am trying to move and do again. But when will I?