Weary in Well Doing

Valleys are expected in life. As most famously stated, "life ain't always been no crystal stair..." Forward motion always requires pauses to learn the lessons in preparation to the next part of the journey.

The goal: To stay the course. The toughest part: To stay the course.

It's relatively easy to get weary in the mist of well doing. We have all parts of the conversation with self. The encourager--I got this, I got this. The doubter--Geesh! Can I do this?  Yet we stay in the fight knowing the coming results are worth this momentary struggle. But for a moment. Moments don't know time, only acquisitions--did you get what was necessary. Digest the lesson. Apply the lesson. Put it in motion.

We can't give in. It's weary right when it's about to break. Right when the sun gains its shine to burst throw the clouds. Don't give in. It's coming.

Trust. It's coming. Right over the horizon.

Watch Yo Mouth

Sooo they lied. Told us...sticks and stone may break my bones but words will never hurt.

Negative words have a far greater reach and impact than we can even imagine. Think about it. You still remember those ill words thrown at you in middle school. They stung like sharp needles then and still have residue, hence you remember it. Most likely can recall the exact moment they were told to you. Those nasty mean words.

Many of us have formulated our identify from those words. Held strong to those lies and told ourselves that they really didn't bother us. Yet they did. They clung tight. Anchored in and began to root. Though we experienced some smiles, endearing moments, and positivity, those negative words stuck around. Residue floating to the top giving everything a soar taste. Polluting our wells. Once it's in, it's hard to get out.

Now they are the first to leap off the tip of our tongue.  We sling stones and quick jabs before any words are released from anyone's mouth. Get'em before they get me. We justify. Continuing the hurt caused upon us long ago. Far reached. Far traveled. Gossiping. Negative words. Complaining. Judging. Criticizing. The impact heartfelt and carried. Polluting our wells. Once it's in, it's hard to get out.

The cycle. Polluting our wells. Once it's in, it's hard to get out.

Absolutely it does matter what you say. Your words have dunamis power. They bring forth the potential and actual to collide and spark. They beget after their own kind. Yet when we are lacking on the positive, negative comes and eats away at the bit of reserve we have. Anchoring in. Polluting our wells. Once it's in, it's hard to get out.

It impacts all humanity alike. Mothers, fathers, aunts, daughters, brothers, cousins, young, old. We all have carried its sting.  No one person is more susceptible to its spew and impact. We have all done it and been impacted by it. Some words cut deeper than others. Polluting our wells. Once it's in, it's hard to get out.

We gotta do better. Much better. Be anxious for nothing. React in control. Focus on our locus. Change our vocabulary. Speak life. With intent. To deposit seeds to swell forth light. And life.

Recognize our own trauma and pain. Be at resolve with self. Words have sooo much power. Be picky about the ones you use.

What You Think You Know About Love...Unknow that Ish...

I'm bound to turn heads with this one. Nothing new. I welcome the slow head turn side-eye with a slight eye roll. Yep that look. You don't know nothing about Love. Nah you really don't.

It ain't what you think it is. Move beyond those faltering flutters. Get to the core of what you learned of Love. Those images that saturated the white board of your brain--misrepresented in movies. Misunderstood by adults. Told you that we stayed because of Love. No matter what the stay endured. Told you it was Love. Well. That ain't Love. What you thought you knew.

The mere concept of Love permeates beyond words. It's essence is only captured by this mixture of thoughts, actions, emotions and clunky words merged on crowded streets with a sweetness seeping through the rotting meat. It's so strong you question it only to arrive at the determination that it simply can't be what it simply is. Sounds so confusing yet its clarity cuts through the darkest night pouring bright light. Its extraordinary yet humble and meek. It's boundless and immeasurable. Soft yet firm. Tried and Truth.

We struggle to understand and embody Love because it requires us to embrace our humanness with out regard to its form. Meaning we must leave our natural perceptions of self and others to say my conditions are broken. Because it is my conditions are that inhibiting Love.

Conditions equal every separating power from the Truth creating blatant lies to further the impact of negative words. We all have them. We all created them. We all further them. We say we are ready for Love yet our conditions have us purposely breaking the mirror so our reflection can only be seen in distorted slivers. Conveniently the parts that reflect our invalid conditions.We tell ourselves we have arrived to the understanding and capacity of Love only to be the bottle cap when we are truly required to be the bucket. Pure kindness and generosity fortifies the fibers of that bucket. Giving it form to hold yet leverage to overflow, share, create, repeat.

Love yet exists. It starts within. You connecting to self. Being perfect in imperfection. Happy in incompleteness. Full when empty. Satisfied when you can't see. The full picture. Or even the stair. The next step. Kneeling to the Creator God to learn more about you the created in order to further your destiny's greatest gift. Love.

Love never fails. It never ends or fades.
Love endures with patience and serenity.
Love is kind and thoughtful.
It is not jealous or envious.
Love does not brag and it is not proud or arrogant.
It is not rude or self-seeking.
It is not provoked nor overly sensitive and easily angered.
It does not take into account a wrong endured.
It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the Truth.
Love bears all things regardless of what comes.
Believes the best in all things.
Remains steadfast during difficult times.
Endures without weakening.

I have yet arrived at the fullness of Love. And I don't think I ever will. Yet I welcome it. With every mountaintop and valley experience I welcome it. To know it. Feel it. Create it. Marvel in its sight. Linger in its prism of beauty. To say with full conviction I love you without limits.

Speak

Yesterday I spoke. Yesterday it flowed brazen with confidence. Poignant and free. Determined to be heard. Didn't matter who listened. It wanted my attention.

That's the power of it. Truth. Sure it wants to connect to the receiver, like any message does. Yet it merely wants to be spoken. To be heard by you first. Are you listening?

Truth is not predicated on the feelings or actions of others. It will stand regardless. It's really more so about you. You are the receiver. The message is for you. Only heard if you speak.

The hesitation to speak stems from fear. Wanting to hold hostage your pruning. Your healing. Your growth. Your change. Fear knows the power of Truth. Understands how forced silence traps ambition and keeps potential dormant. Locked in space. Unable to move. Unable to be planted. Unable to grow. Root. Sprout seeds. Seeds needed to be carried away by the wind to land in rich ground. Truth has that power when it's spoken. It must be spoken. Speak it to believe it and then believe that which you speak. Your Truth. It is intended to be free. Live open. And the great thing about your Truth, it makes life worth living for.

It's imperative not to confuse your Truth with current rubbish filtrating the airwaves. You're not a garbage can. Stop collecting the trash. It buries Truth. Makes it had to breath. Though Truth never dies, it can be challenging to revive from under the lies. When disconnected from you, your center is misaligned. Stagnant. Rotting in place. Free your Truth. Free you.

Your Truth continuous heals you. Makes room for vulnerability which is necessary for growth.

I spoke my Truth again today. Today it stood open, naked and unashamed. I repeated it a couple of times. Rolled the words on my tongue. The heavy lift felt light as it gained strength from my parted lips. Warmed my heart. Pricked my spirit. My Truth really set me free.

Don't be afraid to speak.
The only person who needs to listen is YOU.

Wait....I Ain't Ready

Dedicated to K--it's okay not to be ready.....keep doing the work to be...

Yesterday I realized, I wasn't ready. Me, not ready?? Seems such an idiotic statement. I am always ready. At least that is what I tell myself. You know the concept. If I say it long enough I will drown out the fear and hesitation in being ready. But truth is, I ain't ready.

 Every professional was once a novice.

Working on this new project brought me to this awareness. He said, "You ain't ready." I piped back, "Yes I am!! I have most of it all written done." Key word--most. 

I ain't ready. 

I am here at this place in space. This moment in the journey and I am not ready. 

My readiness is not from lack. More like mere process. Process is preparation. 

Yesterday I realized that I am okay with not being ready. Be anxious for nothing. For nothing. 

For marriage. For nothing.

For children. For nothing.

For promotion. For nothing.

Be anxious for nothing. Our journey is not in competition. Time is a manmade construction used as manipulation to control what's beyond his limits. All things happen as they should in the given moments they should. 

 It's tough. The getting ready part. No easy button. No elevator. A lot of stairs. Sometimes up, up, down, down, down, up, up, up, up. Building endurance and strength. But it's worth it. The ready.  

Read.

Serve.

Study.

Smile more.

Stay vulnerable. 

Unlearn to learn and grow.

Resist the pressure to settle. 

Listen to understand not to respond.

Speak your truth with passion and peace. 

Be found ready. 

Following a Dream

Today I decided that I wanted to try a new venture. In fact I have a couple of new ventures I want to try. First at bat is my voice. No people, bring it back. I don't wanna sing. I am 38 yrs old. That dream died when I blasted NKOTB from my pink radio on Virginia Street. On the porch that day, I couldn't quite hit the notes. Yeah I knew I was a wrap. I digress. Which I tend to do a lot...back to my voice.

I love my words. The way they appear on white space. Dominating in bold formation. Letters to words to feelings cut by Truth. Creative words. Swirling through pathways rushing in time to arrive at understanding. I really love my words.

And my voice too. I want folks to hear my voice. Hear it utter the words I string together in creation. The tone. The mood surrounded. Its pitch. Pure sound of delight to me. When my voice carries the full weight of my words I shudder in belief. My voice connects those words to the energy and power of Truth and it is then that I hear the ending. It is done. All I have spoken has come to be. Selah.

I want to speak life to you. My human touching your heart. Where the issues of life reside. Let you hear my voice laced with words that kindly deposit vitamin Truth of Love. Real love. Human love. Unbound. Without cause or reason. Just because Love. Knitting smiles back together again. Pushing you to take up your bed and walk. Be healed. Then go spread your healing to other humans with your voice.

The details are being pieced together. I am following the way being paved. Just wait. In a minute you gone hear my voice.

In the lean time, between time, have you abandoned your dream? You know the one I'm talking about. Because dreams never travel alone, you may have only stepped into one part and left the others by the way side. Go get them. They are waiting for you. The great thing about life and dreams, they travel with you. They are still there. You don't have to travel back in time where you laid it down. Just dig. Dig in the inside of you. Uncover. Remove. Dust off. It's there. None of use were created for single use. We're multifaceted greatness. Sure we have aged some yet our dreams are always timely to blossom. It's there. Lay aside those lame broken excuses. It's there. Listen. It's there.

Exposing Shame

I had a vision last night. Of my impending success. I knew it was me. I knew it was real. It was powerful and refreshing and imposing and impactful and powerful. Yep. Powerful. Me powerful. I stood in the Wonder Woman pose with my hands on my hips in a red skirt and a brown shirt and a black and brown stripped blazer. I stood in authority. I said to myself, that's my vision. Then I saw myself standing in a black suit with a yellow belt (I like to be funky professional!!) in the same powerful stance.

I needed that vision.

I am currently not working. The K-5 school I was working in last school year decided not to pursue the renewing of its charter and officially closed its doors the last week of June. Here's the thing. Last school year had to be the 2nd best year of my 16 years of being an educator. I worked with 2 phenomenal leaders--Bosslady and E who expanded my knowledge, added to my toolbox and genuinely made be a better leader and human. Walked into the school year with hope and left with greater faith. In my purpose and my process and my journey.

My heart knows this part of my journey is the necessary building for what is to come. For that vision to manifest. Yet it doesn't stop my emotions from feeling shameful. Several no's start to weigh on my shoulders. Dangle at my feet. Whisper to my insecurities. As I watch the people make their way to their designated spaces with coffee in hand and I take my green tea back home. My feelings are my humanness. Yet I don't live in them. I feel them in the moment they arrive and then fight them in faith. And text convos with Trout. IG laughs. Alexa blasting modern gospel station. Sometimes silent prayers then teary prayers. Book reading. Writing. Sunday 9AM service and lunch dates with Naj. Just to name a few.

And I fight. Like my life depended on it. Because it does. I fight.

I share all this to say, life is complex. Many times we are brought to specific places in our journey by our own actions yet with divine purpose. In those spaces and places we must come face to face with who we are, what we have done, and ultimately be reminded of our Creator's intention of our intricately designed destiny. A destiny that does not come without challenge to best prepare us to sustain the power and greatness of who we truly are.

Your Book of Life is not, and will never be, my Book of Life. Though our chapters might merge or lines might double over. Yet they are uniquely original. Plenty of chapters written. And plenty more to be written. Some longer than others. All chronicling the perfect imperfection we are. 

When we are awake to our dreams, alive in our potential, present in our gratitude, creating forward options, and living in our beloved humanness we literally have no place for self shame. Or guilt. Or negativity that drives any fathomable insecurity that tries to overpower the love and lessons we are walking into each and every day.

Our "but for a moment" is working something far more greater within us and for us. Let's stay the course. We already have within what is necessary to win the already won battle.