Wednesday, February 18, 2009

In the Moment

So I'm still on this ponder of the benefit of my fwb. I've determine that the reason we are fwb is because both of us really ambiguous about our relationship. Sure part of me likes him for relationship potential but like I mentioned last time, the other half of me doesn't want to work for it. Anytime you have sex with someone feelings get involved. Come on now, we grown. Feelings are in a vital part of everything we do, no matter if we want to admit it or not. But here's my thing: can I just be in the moment?

So I'm in the car with him and he is on the phone with one of his friends. Personally I can care less who he talks to, but can I be the moment? Seriously, if you are with me for the moment, lay your other chicks on the side for the moment. It's rude to be conversing with her when you in the car with me or just in my mere presences. While I'm in your moment, I don't cloud with the other dudes in my circle. I render what's yours to you, at that moment.

I know it may sound kinda like jealousy but really it's not. Like I said, I don't expect to be the only one in his world, but I don't expect to share my moment. I don't share his moments with anyone. If my phone rings and it is another dude, I send it to voicemail. If I get a text, I might reply and say, hey I'll get at you later but that's it.

I guess to me this is a rule of fwbs we need to make clear. I only get a few moments anyway so let me enjoy it!!!!

Monday, February 16, 2009


It's been a while since my post. I don't know why, but it seems I have run out things to say! Is that even possible? Again I dunno! But I have been working hard...grading papers and assigning more papers to well, grade! What an exhausting circle sometimes. I get so "busy" with school (that's what I call my job, school, because I learn just as well as the students do) I forget to do the things that I find personal satisfaction in. School even took up my weekend. The Vice/Versa Dance was on Saturday and I had to chaperon. Yep 3 1/2 hours of straight standing was sooo enjoyable! I couldn't help myself to bust a move. The kids love when I dance with them. Little do they know this chick has a hard time staying on beat. Really I do. LOL It's humorous, really it is! I love to move but dancing has never been my thing. But again I dance for the kids--Tiffany love the kids! My moves got me in the school's yearbook last year. The kicker--my girl supervises the yearbook and she let the kids this huge ass picture of me as the dominate photo on the page! Her rational--"The kids wanted to put it on the page! They just couldn't stop talking about you!"
Part of me doesn't believe her. Secretly I know she got some satisfaction with my mug plastered on the page for 1100 kids to see!

But it didn't hold me back this year--I got down--school appropriately.

My FWB wanted to take me to Chicago for the weekend, but I couldn't go because of the chaperon thing. I liked the jester but then again I don't know if that crosses the FWB line. So are the benefits worth it? I mean are FWBs overrated? Or is just me? I mean he's cool and all but he is definitely not someone I want to spend to the rest of my life with. I don't wanna work that hard. I mean we have sooo many differences, religion mainly, that neither of us are willing to compromise on. We respect each other but don't agree. Sometimes I don't even bring up things because I know we disagree and I don't wanna make it a "I gotta prove my point" issue. I choose my battles carefully. He bought me a Valentine's Day gift. I think he got more excitement out of giving me the gift than I did receiving it. It was cute and thoughtful I have to admit, but honestly it wasn't "me." Normally I would have that conversation, "Thanks, but..." but this time I just might let it ride out. He's crazy about sneakers so I bought him a pair of Nike's. Nothing expensive (I'm a DIVA always on a budget!) but there were hot--silver metallic and white--nice! See just that, I bought him something I know he would LOVE without a doubt..maybe it's a girl thing--pay attention to the small details. He says after the 4 months we have been, what's the right word, ummm "knowing" each other he knows me. But I don't really think he does. Again maybe knowing me doesn't too much matter because he is a FWB.....

Friday, February 6, 2009

Get ready for love...

One of my students made my morning much better. We're talking about arguments in my Comp. 111 class, more specifically appeals to needs and values. I assigned the students to bring in an advertisement and determine what need did it appeal to. check this one out:

Not sure if you can read all the print, but pay close attention to the center "Let us tell your X how you really feel!" LMAO As if that was not enough check the lower left hand corner: One dozen DEAD roses & jumbo card with each delivery!

Have a great day!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Game of Survival

Today I worked through an exercise with my senior students that teaches on the Toulmin's concept of the warrant (Toulmin says three parts of an argument; claim, support, and warrant). The warrant is the assumption or general principle that leads us to make a claim. So this exercise asked you to take a list of 11 people and narrow it down to only 7 who would survival as the last people on earth, place the list in order of rescue and your reasoning for choosing this person. The text gave a brief description of each person--like Mrs. G: 28, ninth grade education, cocktail waitress, former prostitute, single, was married at 18, has son (Joesph).

It was amazing to see who the students choose and why these people versus others on the list. No doubt we have all completed an exercise like this before, but it got me thinking. I had a difficult time creating my list. I weighed the options and then questioned by own assumptions. But what if I can take this same principle and apply it to my life. What do I really need to survive? Is all the unnecessary really necessary? Why do we choose things for temporal satisfaction when we really know we want more? Am I really making the right choices for survival?

I can remember my senior year in high school I told this girl's business to the ENTIRE English class, yes the whole class. Though it was truth doesn't mean I had the right to say it. Because of that I lost a friend. John and I were so cool, but when I did what I did it hurt him. I didn't get a chance to apologize to John but I did to DeeDee. And that made her day! She thought I absolutely hated her. And I felt so guilty. Since that incident I made it a life lesson to check my motivations and never intently do anything I would later regret.

The principle carried me through college and afterward but now it's like I got buckwild and forgot it! And I tell myself that I am surviving. My material success aligns to the survival--house, cars, career, education, and some money left over to spurge on shoes! But have I missed it somewhere? What is "it"? Am I playing the right game? Is it really about survival? Maybe my principle's need to change.

It's obvious my assumption about life as created a faulty claim lacking real support.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Chasing Payments....

My friend Art hooked me to this amazing 19 year old phenom Adele and her song "Chasing Payments." The girl is tough! I have always been a major music fan, I mean MAJOR. I love all types from country to heavy metal to rap to Latin to vocal jazz to gospel...I love it all. But of course it has to have a message. I can't get with what I have dubbed, "basement" music. You know the kind that sounds like you and your friends pressed record/play on the tape recorder messing around in your parents basement. (LOL at myself and the crazy things I did back in the day!) At any rate I don't have to name specifics, you know who I'm talkin' bout!

So music speaks volumes to me. A language I can't live without.
Here are her lyrics:

I've made up my mind, Don't need to think it over, If I'm wrong I am right, Don't need to look no further, This ain't lust, I know this is love but, If I tell the world, I'll never say enough, Cause it was not said to you, And that's exactly what I need to do, If I'm in love with you,
Should I give up, Or should I just keep chasing pavements?Even if it leads nowhere, Or would it be a waste?Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?Should I give up, Or should I just keep chasing pavements?Even if it leads nowhere
I'd build myself up, And fly around in circles, Waiting as my heart drops, And my back begins to tingle Finally could this be it
Should I give up, Or should I just keep chasing pavements?Even if it leads nowhere, Or would it be a waste?Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?Should I give up, Or should I just keep chasing pavements?Even if it leads nowhere...
So I'm wondering why do we chase pavements? Empty lonely roads that lead to more desolation than peace. Are we gluttons for misery? Or hopeless fools hoping hope will desperately appear? Or is it that we chase these pavements like yellow brick roads in search of home? A heart? A brain? Courage?
What gives? Maybe it's the chase itself we hold on to. The fact someone is chasing us or are we chasing them??