Sunday, October 30, 2011

The Mask We Wear

It seems like it's been forever since my last post. I have no clue where time has gone. Between my uncle's passing, working the 2 jobs, and dealing the Teach for America stuff, some days I have no clue what I'm doing. But the crazy part...I'm the happiest I have been in a very long time!! I genuinely have a smile that seems to be radiating from the inside. I have learned to find the moment to be grateful in the mist of life's journey.

At all times, no matter the situation, we all should be grateful. Grateful for the little things--a smile, an occasional laugh, the smell of Fall, etc. The appreciation of the little things help us to appreciate this journey in its totality. And at this moment, I am in love with my journey.

What's my secret?? There's none!

Honestly, we all search for the magic combination of life and balance to find happiness when it exist within. We can't find what we are looking for on the outside; the search must start within. The inter you holds the key to the success of life's desires. As my last post stated, your purpose in life is connected to you at birth. Do you honestly know what's in you? Rivers of life are flowing in you. Dip into this source and find what you have been searching for this whole time. Yes, this whole time it's been in you all along.It starts with one step. One decision to decide that what you have been doing; the outward search and shuffle, is no good. Because you did not create yourself, you must return to the Creator for proper operation instructions. That decision starts on the inside. It is the giving of yourself to complete submission to what you were created for is when you find the true you. It's that moment of still silence when you hear that small voice you had been running from. It speaks to you clearly and this time you gotta listen. It's a peaceful, reassuring, and encouraging voice. It tells you to fall back in love with you and simple pleasures you once enjoyed but disregarded for the clutter of people and things. Still yourself to hear again.

I know this sounds strange, but it's tested truth. Stop running from you. All those these are well, just things. They seem great to have, but they bring you not true joy. Joy is the sense of knowing happiness is eternal. You can be happy in all situations your journey comes into. Let no person or no thing block you from your reaching your destiny. Be you you're supposed to be. It's never to late to take the mask off. It's never to late to realize this isn't what you want. It's never to late to find yourself and the happiness you deserve.

It's okay to acknowledge you're not content. But it's NOT okay to NOT make the change necessary to find what you are desiring. Nobody said this journey would be easy. Most things on this journey come with growing pains. But they are temporary and well worth the outcome.

However, understand this necessary attention to the inner man is at a price; once you feed yourself it's obligation to feed others. Thirsty souls are waiting for you to release so they too can drink. They need you to follow your inward man so their outward can resemble the same happiness that you have found. They want to remove their mask too. They want to be free too. You must share with them how to reach what you have already found. Your passion will feed a multitude who will eat of you and find their inner passion and thus the cycle will continue. But it must start with one man. One man who has the courage to stand in the mist of the crowded room and peel off the mask and let the true soul only takes one to start a revolution of change...

Friday, October 28, 2011


I know it's been a minute, a few weeks in fact; to my regular followers I apologize. So much as happened between the last post and today. Sad times and glad times and all of it in between. Perusing through my past post, the thread of commonality remains super visible. In a round-about way, I seem always to be speaking about the power of the truth. The fact that many choose to deny the truth will never stop baffling me. I mean life could be better for everyone if we consciously examined and applied the truth. In an effort not to bore you I won't be directly speaking on the read that....directly!! Come on now, I gotta be me, right?

I have had some amazing teachers in my journey. Mrs. Russell, my 2nd grade teacher at Franklin sparked my initial interest in writing. That brown red and blue lined paper became my friend. My stories were short and horribly misspelled. When we didn't know how to spell a work correctly we were to take a small piece of paper up to her desk and ask her to spell it right for us. Yeah I didn't do that so much. Further evidence of my horrendous abilities came with the in class spelling bee!! Yep I was out the first round. But I wasn't too upset. I decided I would still write my stories misspelled and all.

3rd grade with Mrs. Sutton was nice! I was a semi big kid; at that time Franklin only went to the 4th grade. Timed math sheets in Mrs. Sutton's class was my thorn. The moment she said begin I was done. Pressure and I aren't good friends. I thought I knew my multiplication but the time math sheets bore no evidence of this fact. After awhile,I got better, not great but better. But I knew then math was NOT my subject---yeah might as well cross mathematian off my list of future careers!!

4th grade was a mixture of joy and pain. Mr. Warr was my teacher that year. He knew my mom and dad and I guess this fact added pressure to my success. Mr. Warr ensured I did my best on every assignment. One in particular, the I had a Dream Essay Writing Contest, I guess was his trying of my application of knowledge. Like my peers, I completed my essay with pride and turned it in. Mr. Warr looked it over and gave it back to me. You can do better he said. I rewrote that essay 3 or 4 times. The results of Mr. Warr insisting: I won the first place in the contest.

And there it was. The budding of my passion.

We can never say our purpose is eluding us. It may be buried within the busyness of our life, but it's there. There's something in your life that you love and would leave all just to have a small piece of it. Why not have it all?? Your passion is your purpose. It pleases every man's heart to follow that individual drum his ear only hears. Make no excuses to take the risk to follow that joy. You were created to follow it. You were birthed with that passion, allow it to grow. Feed it, nurture it, and allow it to manifest in your life.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Dangerous Memories

I see this post as continuation of the previous three. They all were birthed in the same conversation. I guess I am still feeling relationshipy. And by right, I should. But I'll save those details for another day. I have more pressing matters, this post, to explore. Yet those details will make their way into this post in a manner of speaking.

One of my favorite artists is MJB. Yeah I have this fascination with her music and I always have. I own every record (yeah I just dated myself by saying record!! My family refers to all music as records. Movies as pictures. Motorcycles as bikes. A lie as a fib. Several other oddities exist, but I’ll stop here!!) she has released. Her music is so full of life's issues positive and negative. As an artist, she has allowed her listeners to see her life through her music. One song in particular, is most befitting for this post. Reminisce, from her debut album, What's the 411?. The chorus goes as follows:

Let's make the time tonight while the feelings right
Reminisce on the love we had
Let's make the time tonight while the feelings right
Reminisce on the love we had

Like I said, MJB my girl, but reminiscing is DANGEROUS!! If it is no longer together, it probably didn't work. Why try to recreate something that's broken? I'm going to take the leap and say there's most likely a great reason why you are not together in the present. Maybe you need to remind yourself of that fact first.

See the problem with these memories is that they can be ultra deceiving. Shallow memories of past loves tend to focus only on the blissful moments. It becomes Hollywood dreams: holding hands in the park, tender kisses, gentle stares, long stimulating talks, blah, blah, blah. You know good and well that only lasted for 2 months; the rest was restless frustrations. We tend to gloss over the heartaches we are still trying to recover from. Those hard memories tend to be buried in our forgetting allowing us to temporary desire the past. These memories are dangerous. We simply can't live here.

Really, you can't live in the past. All roads in the past have been deemed hazardous. The yellow's a pale unrecognizable muted white brick. It's overgrown, sprawled with thistles and thorns; it simply can't be navigated. Why risk your life for something you cannot change? We cannot continue to live our past. We cannot allow our past experiences to (1) define who we will become or (2) keep us bound.

Living in these memories keep you chained to a image that really doesn't reflect the person you truly are. Your present picture is blissful. Smell the cherry blossoms; bathe in the warm rays of the sun; love the change you are becoming. Baby your future is sooooo bright, you definitely gotta wear shades....

Monday, September 19, 2011

The Little Bit...When Less Isn't More

I feel all relationshipy today so I thought I would continue another thought one of the the besties and I had. For some reason this bestie and I always talk about relationships. It could be either one of us don't have one at the moment, or I just love hearing all about her dating adventures. I mean she is a dater and her dates range the gamut--one dude who foams at the mouth?? One dude who brings his own coffee to Starbucks, so he orders a Venti hot water?? Yeah bestie has some pretty interesting stories. I could probably blog about her all day. Honesty I could. She always stops mid sentence and says, "oh Tiff you can blog about that." I laugh, but then open the memo app on my phone and swype the idea down quickly. This is one of those quickies...

We've been bamboozled. Somewhere in the exchange less has become better. The less money you have the more help you can get from a system intended to keep you in a system. The less clothes you wear the more exotic you feel and empowered you believe yourself to be. The less he gives, more you believe he loves. The less you hours and days we work, the more we desire. The less time we have, the more we fall away.

In all things, less by no means is more. Less is in fact, well, less. By definition the word less can be an adverb or an adjective which means it can add to the meaning of a verb or describe the degree of situation. But one thing both means have in common is the first definition: [to a] smaller extent, amount, degree. Less is small in amount and degree. We have accepted the small amount of thought as grand and the small about of degree as exceptional.

For instance, in a relationship is has become a common practice to accept less in all categories. The less can be applied to any part of the relationship: less attention, less time, less commitment, less personality, less values, less morals, less responsibilities, less, less, less. In common perception is less is better than none. Yet what one fails to realize that the less is none because all of the lesses (yeah I made up a word--I can do that!!) still never make up one. It is impossible to have 1/3 of anything and still be considered complete. No, it's not done; it's not whole. It's not one. You can't add particles to get a crumb and why in the world would you want just a crumb? I'm baffled.

Honesty, life is more than piecing crumbs together to make a meal. When funds are in between and groceries low, this is MORE than acceptable. But when you are dating and looking for something everlasting, an erroneous grievance has taken place. Even in your temporal pleasures, which we all grow out of, be honest, you don't what a piece of a anything. You most likely wanted the whole but gave in to the less just to be able to say you had a small portion, i.e. less. No one is every completely happy in a temporary situation because it was not made to be permanent. It was never intended for you to capitalize on that moment and grow roots. It can by as a, as my girl Queen says, this ain't what you want, situation--walk away!! Every person on our path is not meant to be our travel companion. Say hello and keep walking.

The norm has become the acceptance of less because we don't want enough anymore. It used to be that if we couldn't have it all we would walk away, worth and value still in tack. But now we cling to less. Devalued, broken, and completely lying to ourselves.

The gig is up. The cover is blown. Until I have more, I want nothing at all...

Sunday, September 18, 2011

The Soldier Knows the Battle of the Heart is Not Easily Won...

In light of my last post, I gotta come clean. This will probably be the most personal blog I will every post. I had a near 2 hour conversation with one of the besties last night and it was so enlightening. Through discourse, I discovered I was lying to myself. So here's the story:

I have this amazing guy friend, "N." When I say amazing, I mean amazing. (They say if you say it twice it's really true!!) He's the first guy that I can have a serious no holds bar dialogue with. I mean we don't hold back; if it's happening, it's fair conversation. He understands and challenges my complexities and then constantly reminds me I deserve more than I sometimes allow myself to believe. My list of loves about N are quite lengthy: his intelligence, genuine care, confidence, and importantly how and loves and cares for his daughters are just a few. It's almost like I have been waiting for this friendship my whole life. The connection is not simple; it's more. Yes more. Anything that you can think of in a friendship add more and you got N. Of course with the more he is the more I want to know about him. He's super onion--gotta peel those layers back delicately.

As I spilled all this info to the bestie her attentive ears hear what I couldn't. That's the thing about a lie; sometimes it takes the vision of others to see. As it is said, "the eye cannot see itself but by some means of reflection." She was my reflection. My truth. Maybe I have more feelings for N than I allow myself to see. As bestie puts it, I prefer to take the limit of friendship rather than take the potential risk of relationship. I'm comfortable in the friendship zone. I chose to keep my "other" feelings in the other column. I prefer to keep the friend. I don't want to label this and gain a loss. But bestie says if I take the risk and it doesn't work then I deserve the right to release and move on to make myself available to opportunities.

Now my heart isn't naive. I know the chemistry is mutual, the extent, I'm not sure. But sly tongues in conversation has revealed the heart's intent. But will it ever be? Do I honestly want to lose N with because of a label? How come I can't keep the imaginary line in the sky and stay on this side? I am by no means waiting for N to make the transition, as well I am not pushing the transition. I believe in the natural progression of things. It may happen, it may not. The question thus becomes will I wait and see??

The probability of N reading this blog is beyond the 90th percentile, but honestly I don't think I'm revealing anything he doesn't already know...

Saturday, September 17, 2011


So wrong is wrong. Really there are no degrees of wrong. Just like a lie. A lie is a lie. No matter how you spin it, or where you tell it; a lie is a lie. But you wanna know the worst lie you can EVER tell? Drum roll please....the worst lie you can ever tell is to yourself. Yep that's the monstrous fault. No matter what it is you are lying to yourself about--your weight, height, social status, emotions, etc, lying to yourself is absolutely the danger zone.

The moment you have to lie to yourself in order to justify your actions or the lack there of, you have alienated all truth. I know you hear me speak on truth often, but it is a major principle missing in the heart of the 21st century. Understand the truth exists despite one's refusal to accept it; it's always there waiting for your arrival. We have adapted to justification of lies as the new black. We are without a doubt excuseless in our negative actions because of the power of choice. We have the ability to choose this day whom we shall be and become. It's all a matter of choice.

The power of choice is the common denominator of human kind. Despite our background; rich, poor, brown, cream, short, tall, round, slim..we all have choice. The moment we justify lies or negative actions we disseminate the power of truth. It becomes hidden and hard to find. It fades from the eyes, shaded by slime; the buildup of lies. It becomes like searching for new pennies in the mud; you can't see it, you may know it my touch, but you aren't quite sure.

Like any negativity, the magnetic force of lies grows and draws other lies near. In other words, when you tell one, you gotta tell another. Lying is the fastest way to ruin any relationship. And when we lie to self, we create a disconnect within. You sense of reality, of possibility, and as earlier mentioned truth. Your confidence becomes this false sense of reality only stroked by lies. You become depend on the false to create what you believe to be the truth. I know it sounds like I'm talking in circles, but that's what a lie does--move in circles making NO forward progression. Caution--major, major danger!!! Life is meant to go to a destiny. It is impossible to reach destiny if you are lying to you.

I'll be the first to admit my faults. I don't make 100 everyday--some days it's a good 90 others times I range in the 75%..hey I'm being honest. That's the beauty of life. Folks love you when they can see you...and surprisingly you can love yourself greater when you can see you too.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Dating The Real You

I had an interesting conversation on yahoo IM with a friend today. She asked a random question in the middle of a dialogue about actively reading. The question was something to this effect: "Is is okay to order endless shrimp on the first date?" At first I was prepared with my polite statement.."ummm I don't think that's a good idea.." But then I then I realized why fake the funk??

Seriously think about it, why create an appearance you have NO desire to keep up??? I don't know about you, but my time is precious and I have no desire to add extra work into my already crowded schedule. I mean I don't see the point of endless shrimp anyway! One meal is plenty, but that's not the point of this post.

I know there are people under the impression that you must put your best foot forward in the dating world. I'm sure there're specific guidelines of dating that I am breaking, but oh well. If you want fantasy try another blog! I'm under the impression you have got to be yourself. Maybe that's why I haven't had the best of luck in the dating world! But why go through the hoops to make a impression that is false? I have no desire to wake up in the morning to meet a new person after the newness has worn thin and off when that new person can be himself from the beginning.

In all my learning one of the things I value the most is how I have learned to me. Maybe that's why I'm single. I refuse to be anyone else than the real me. The me with the good, the ugly and the in between!! I'll just stay here and be the real me, even if I means I walk alone for awhile.

Friday, September 2, 2011

My Daddy

At the beginning of month my mother and I drove to ATL to visit my dad. I was excited to see him, but not that excited to visit ATL in August! Maneee Georgia in August is a heat box. The sun burns through the skin with vengeance!!! But my daddy is worth it all.

I wish I could say that my relationship with my dad has been the greatest, but truth be told it has had its share of valley experiences. My dad moved to Georgia when I was about 6 yrs old. I rarely saw him. Throughout my childhood I wondered why I wasn't like other kids who had dads. It was something my young mind couldn't understand. It was like as I grew the concept of a dad grew further away from me. I saw and heard less of him and of his side of the family. I wondered why no one ever cared about the great things I did in school. You know the moment in 4th grade when you won the essay writing contest and you look in the crowd hoping to see more than just your mom's bright loving smile. You know the moment at graduation 8th grade, high school, when you look in the group for a familiar old face only to be disappointed--he wasn't there. My mom and siblings were the only people who showed up at my high school graduation. That night I truly cried like I had never cried before. It was almost a confirmation of my loneliness. I clearly remember I was supposed to go to my friend's graduation party that night, but I didn't go--why--because I couldn't stomach her happiness. Her entire family was there supporting her and mines couldn't even pretend to care.

Yep that's how I felt and it has taken me years to heal and hear. Hear the truth of the matter and accept the consequences of life choices. The truth is, I can't blame. My dad made his choices at that moment and so did I BUT I have the choice not the stay in that place of hurt and angry if I so choose. I cannot grow in one aspect of my life and be dead in the other. Impossible. To grow meant I had to reach out to my dad with a clear and willing heart open to love in spite of, yes in spite of. The hardest thing to do is to love someone for who they really are, not who you want them to be.

Of course I wanted my dad to be dad in my life, but it at that moment he couldn't I still had to love him. And I do. I love my daddy. I won't replace him for the world. I take it all, because all if has gotten us to this wonderful place we are today. We have a loving, growing relationship. I try to make it to Georgia at least once a year to see him. We both look forward to those moments. We talk on the phone at least once a week and never end a conversation without saying I love you. The beginning was rough, the middle mushy, but the right now is amazing! I'm 31 yrs old and head over heels for my daddy.

I have new memories to replace the old....driving 45 mins. to This is it! just for some of their amazing bbq chicken and peach cobbler only to get lost on the way back because Dad fell asleep while I was driving!!! He keep telling me to drive straight...I just laughed when he woke up and we both had NO clue where we were!! Me telling Dad I was going to go out with my cousins and him look at me with sad eyes...I called my cousins to tell them I changed my mind...I was staying home with Dad tonight. Me telling him I wouldn't be able to make it to Georgia this summer. He said he understood and that he loved me. A day later I was ringing his doorbell. He answered the door with the biggest grin on his face I had ever seen. He was speechless with excitement and frankly so was I.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Golden Nuggets

So I think that everybody is crazy, but me. Yeah I'm on this one man island trying to understand why the heck I am so different. I never really had friends when I was younger; I've always been a loner. The few friends I did have are still a part of my life today. But even with friends I feel alone. Nobody understands the out lavish sane thoughts that run through my head. I know I have such a deep connection with God it would scare most folks. Maybe that's it; I have scared them away. So I thought I would share some small nuggets of my radical sanity:

1. You don't have haters. Really you don't. Jealousy is a live action, but most folks don't have haters. If more than three people are saying the same thing about you, it's call TRUTH! Try the words by your actions. If five people say you are mean, I bet you are mean. So stop calling them haters and change your nasty attitude.

2. Some things are really that simple. Honestly they are. Temptation can be resisted; it's a matter of choice behavior. Yeah you decided you were going to flirt with ol boy and you know he was married--oops did I just say that??

3. The truth works. It's like that peroxide your mom used to pour on that cut on your knee. Sure it stung when she poured it on for like 3 seconds, but then you were okay. The truth has the ability to clean deep wounds and hurts. Try it.

4. Phoniness is a chore! I don't have time to keep up appearances. Like a girdle, you gotta breathe easy at some point in it. Just let it out. If you don't like so and so just stay away from her until you can be nice without it being laborious. Be polite because you want to NOT because you think you have it. I can't say it enough--try the TRUTH.

5. I'm a liberal conservative. Paradox, huh? See my mind is a constant machine of perplexing thoughts. For example, I LOVE my tatoos, but I must keep them covered in specific places like church, work, etc. I believe all people deserve respect and love, but....(yeah I'm going to keep that fire starter to myself)

6. I know I'm smart. Yep. Not just book start either. I have a thirst for knowledge that is un quenching. When I learn I always want more. But with all my smarts, I can make some dumb choices. In the end I learn from them, but I hate that I gotta wait tell the end to come to the knowledge of my error. But these choices, even the dumb ones have taught me major lessons. Yet I still hold some reserve about the dumb choices.

7. I have learned to love unconditionally. There's no secret, no magic pill. You just do. You let go of everything that you have been holding on too and just love with no limits. So what people act a fool, love anyway. So what dude cheated on you, love anyway. I am in no way advocating for you to do foolish things; listen to your heart, it knows right from wrong. All I am saying is that you must give love a chance. You don't have the power to change anyone; only God can do that. So don't take the burden. Just let love live within you.

8. Every day I miss my brother more and more. I don't know if I will ever stop missing him. I look at my niece and nephew and know my brother will never have the opportunity to raise his children. I really miss him and I know they miss him more. You never know how important the human voice is until you no longer hear it.

Oh and by the way, I know everybody ain't crazy....really it's just me.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

I Wish I Was a Little Bit Taller

When I was younger, my brother loved that song I Wish by Skee-lo. You remember Skee-lo, little short yellow dude. If you don't remember him, def google or you-tube him to bring back those great 90's memories! So dude wanted to be a baller, you know like Mike. But what little boy didn't back when Mike of was in the peak of his career? I know my brother Taurus was CRAZY about Mike. Back to back championships, movies (Space Jam), and sneakers that EVERYONE had to have and still want! Every kid wanted to pick up a basketball to find his/her hoop dream. So where am I going with this one--well somehow that baller dream has morphed in being a rapper--yes a rapper. Why is it that, now I must be careful with my wording here, so many young men from ages 15 to 35 (yes I have met grown men who are full time rappers with no full time or part time job)want to be a rapper? I absolutely have no problem with the art form; in fact, I am a die hard Rick Ross fan. (I know, hard to believe, right?? I would spit some lyrics right now off the top of the dome, but I'll save it for another post!! LOL) But honestly, what happened to our dreams? I am in a bewildered state.

Something has gone wrong from fantasy to reality. Education is thought of as nonessential and everything in one's wildest imagination is seen as possible. Sure I wish I could sing and dance like Beyonce'(not really but that's the first comparison that popped into my head!!), but the reality is that I AM NOT B. You are not Lil Wayne, or any other high profile rapper nor should it be your dream to be. We have been living in the fantasy world of entertainment as priority when it is not intended to be that way. Entertainment's purpose in our lives is meant to be an option when availible not for you to blow your dreams and money on.

We don't teach our babies to dream anymore. We push them to excell in sports because we played star runningback from jfl to highschool or made the final shot for the state championship senior year. But we don't push them to read any and evey book they can get their hands on. We don't feed their love of learning when they are young. We tell them it's okay if you don't like school, just play basketball and do kinda okay in school so you can get a scholarship then leave college early so you can declare draft for the NBA. Did you know a black man has a greater chance of being struck by lightning than being in the NBA???

I in no way doubt the talent and skills of those who have made a career in the world of entertainment, but even entertainers know the field is a shark tank. The smart ones invest--Serena and Venus are minority owners of the Miami Dolphins not to mention their numerous investments in fashion. Jay-Z built his empire beyond rap--the Nets, Rocawear, etc. The point is that they used their public persona as a platform to attain their dreams. I'm sure along the way they educated themselves to make informed decisions.

BUT this is a minority in the universe. Others must take a less public profile to reach our dreams. It is NOTHING wrong with working and dreaming. In fact I work two jobs and then work on dream. I know it, my dream, will make room for me. I am quite positive it will come to fruition in due time. We must, we must teach our children to dream. Dream to be lawyers, doctors, teachers, engineers, therapist, inventors, dentist, etc. We must expose them to the possibilies beyond television, beyond popular entertainment. Teach them to influence the world by expanding their brains through education. High school is not enough. They must attend college and/or trade school. They must dream without limitations.

Our failure to teach other children to dream is a blatant disrespect to the many souls who willingly gave their lives so we COULD dream a reality.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Tiffany Nicole, MD

I loved the young Neil Patrick Harris in the budding medical drama Doogie Howser, MD. He was the child prodigy who tried to balance teen life and being a doctor. I don't know what it is about the show I loved, but I think the geek in me loved the idea of a kid having all the answers. Reminscing now, I see the errors of my young and innocent thought process. By no means do I want to know all the answers.

Sounds suspect, huh. But I'm being completely truthful. I don't want to know all the answers, I can see the temporal gladness knowing all the answers could bring.

Some many of my answers in life came from the very few, let me quit lying, the SEVERAL mistakes I have made along the way. It is by error I have learned the vaue of love and truth and life. Imagine if we knew all things at all times? Boy, no more surprise birthday parties! But seriously knowing all would be no more living. The great part of life is trust and trust takes risks, blind risks at that. That risk creates faith. That faith reassures us great benefits.

By no means am I encourging ignorance, infact it's quite the opposite. The search for truth and knowledge goes beyond just finding the answers and being a know-it-all. A part of knowledge is knowing timing. We must stop trying to diagnose it all. We must live in the sometime uncertainity that truth and love IS certain to appear and perform in its full capacity in its due time. Through a recent conversation with my Uncle Jeff I recieved these exact words.. "God made us human beings not human doers...stop doing and just be." Be the man or woman you are to be. Stop searcing for the answers to be and just be. I am no longer in fascination with finding all the answers; I am more focused on living to be the answer.

Thursday, July 21, 2011


The 15th of July holds so many memories for me: my mom's birthday, my granny's birthday, my cousin's birthday and they day my brother was killed. This year my mom and I attended a gathering at my granny's. I so enjoyed myself, gotta love the family. Some how or another the discussion of my blog came up and one of my aunts asked me what it was called. I told her and she asked me if I was a rebel. Without a shadow of doubt I told her absolutely! In fact, I told her I break all the rules, aren't we supposed to??

I know, I know. Many of you are going to the extreme and immediately ponder the plethora of illegal activites I could be involved in...but take a small step back and change directions for a moment. Let's explore this concept of rebellion before you have me serving 15 to life for running an underground cocaine cartel!

By defintion rebellion is a noun, which means it is a "thing" which means resistance to authority or control or tradition. The form of this authority, control, or tradition could be several other nouns--parents, governments, ideals, the "norm," society, etc. So a rebel would be one who resists authority, control, or tradition. We tend to think of rebellion in a negative shade, but not I.

In its pure state we should all be rebels. Damn the MAN, whatever form of resistance he may take. Within us all we should desire the pursuit of truth. And to pursue the truth requires that we do the unpopular. Angela Davis says it best, "We all know the road to freedom is stalked by death." An injustice must die in order to make the truth more visible. Notice I said more visible. The truth always exists and needs no help to do so. But, it can be blurred by an injustice. So eradicating the injustice with allow the glow of truth to be seen from see to shining sea.

The heart of my rebellion is in the eradicating. I refuse to be quiet. When I have the urge to speak, I will do so, no matter who I am speaking to. I will rock boat, stir the pot, push the envelope,and etc. Why? Because we have allowed ourselves to be believe the lie that silence is golden in all situations. We sit back, fall into a mundane routine, complain of the woes of the world and do nothing. We care only for "our four and no more." We are miserbly happy--impossible, right? Nawww it's possible! We are happy because we have arrived to a position we believe is enough for mediocore survival and vacation. Our families are happy, healthy, and provided for yet our local communities are suffering. But we say, "it's not my fault. They had the same opportunities as I did." That's misery. When we can't help our brothers and sisters, that's misery. Not taking an active stand is defeat and misery. We willingly follow a system created to isolated and destroy.

We were created to fight for the truth at all cost. And I proudly take that honor.

Ok, yeah, alright...
I find it hard to say, that everything is alright
Don't look at me that way, like everything is alright
Cuz my own eyes can see, through all your false pretenses
But what you fail to see, is all the consequences
You think our lives are cheap, and easy to be wasted
As history repeats, so foul you can taste it
And while the people sleep, too comfortable to face it
His life so incomplete, and nothing can replace it
And while the people sleep, too comfortable to face it
Your lives so incomplete, and nothing can replace it
Fret not thyself I say, against these laws of man
Cuz like the Bible says, His blood is on their hands
And what I gotta say, and what I gotta say, is rebel
While today is still today, choose well
And what I gotta say, is rebel, it can't go down this way
Choose well, choose well, choose well...
...choose well, choose well, choose well
And while the people sleep, too comfortable to face it
Your lives are so incomplete, and nothing, and no one, can replace it
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
And what I gotta say, and what I gotta say
And what I gotta say, and what I gotta say
And what I gotta say, and what I gotta say
And what I gotta say, and what I gotta say
Is rebel... rebel, rebel, rebel, rebel, rebel, rebel
Rebel, rebel, rebel, rebel, rebel
Repent, the day is far too spent, rebel... rebel!
Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up...
Wake up and rebel
We must destroy in order to rebuild
Wake up, you might as well
Oh are you... oh are you satisfied
Oh are you satisfied
Rebel... ohhh rebel
Why don't you rebel, why don't you rebel?
Why don't you rebel?

Lauryn Hill, MTV Unplugged

Thursday, July 14, 2011

So I'm Single and I'm Suppose to love it?? I think NOT!!

Nothing about me is ordinary. I pride myself on walking to my own beat. Sometimes I use a drum sometimes it's all in my head. I have come to terms that my uniqueness is pure beauty. Yeah I'm a bit quirky and sometimes goofy but hey, I love it! And those who truly know me, love me for being Tiffany. In this complexity of Tiffany my mind is always on the go questioning the status quo and considering actions to rebel against the norm.

So I was thinking, why do people say they are single and loving it?? Let's drive straight down Truth Lane people! No man (in this case meaning human being) desires to be alone. We were created for relationships. In their true essence, a relationship is designed to bring quality and meaning to one's life. Now we have several types of relationships adding variety to our lives. We build these relationships and enjoy what they add to us. So why would we love being without an intimate relationship that could create history and legacy in our lives???

This concept of "loving it" puzzles me. Sure I enjoy all the relationships in my life; mother/daughter, friends, student/teacher, etc. Each one has a distinct role in my life and has helped to create the woman I am becoming. I choose to surround myself with people who believe in the principle of reciprocity and truth. I love the relationships that I have build and look forward to sharing my world with that "one" someday soon.

By no means does anyone love being single. I refuse to believe that version of truth,(which I believe is a lie). It is every single person's desire to create a love relationship, as well is it mines. BUT that doesn't mean I absolutely hate being single. To be it is just a chapter in my life book. Some chapters are a blink of an eye, others seem to stretch beyond, but I'm cool with it. My life book, as well as yours, is full of celebrations, tragedies, slips, dips, cruves, and green lights, and flashing caution signs. In all I don't regret one moment of it. I know there is so much for me to accomplish as in this single chapter of my book. Places for me to go, people for me to see, and a little shopping like I done lost my mind along the way!!! And most times it's on my babies---Sweet Pea, Snoodie, and Buddy. (Little cousin, niece and nephew. Occasionally I get it in for me too--gotta do it for the fans--I know I'm a handful!!)

Yet my point is this, yes I'm single. Do I love it, nawwwww not quite. And quite honestly that's okay. I refuse to allow the pressures of society or people to dictate what I know to be the TRUTH. It's all a part of this amazing thing called life. I'm A okay with being me! I'm content in the state I find myself in. Right now, this chapter ain't too bad!! In fact, I'm soooo happy being me. I love my life and the direction (FORWARD) that I am going. Just like any great read, I can't wait to get to the next chapter!! In due time, it will come when it will come. And it's timing will be perfect.

Until we meet again remember, it only takes ONE to start a revolution---get FREE!

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Waiting for Human Impossible

I have been having this desire to write the past few days and thought returning to blogging would be my best outlet. In fact, I have come up with some creative topic ideas and titles to accompany them. My problem seems to be with being consistent! I have these great ideas but I must learn to be committed to them. So here it goes....

This morning I read a status post from a friend that read: It sucks when you know that you need to let go, but you can't, because you're still waiting for the impossible to happen. Immediately I began to thinking, but why? If we already know the truth what does it gain us to continue to live a lie?? This condition is the story of many of our lives. We perpetuate ill will upon ourselves. The longer we place ourselves in these situations, the longer we deny the power of truth its existence in our lives. Truth is a bad boy ya'll!!! It's momentary pain contains a life time of gain. Let's break this down...

The pain of truth comes from the recognition that a problem does exist. Removing ourselves from the state of denial can be a beast! But have more confidence in yourself. The great part is most times we already know what the problem is, yet some form of fear holds us back in denial. Whatever the case my be, you have more power than what you give yourself credit for. To lose is to gain. Lose fear, lose denial, and lose yourself to gain yourself. To gain yourself is more valuable than rubies, silver, and gold. Yes to take hold of who you are and live in your unique identity is priceless.

So why wait for someone else to release you? Release yourself. You are the one who holds you in bondage. You have the power to cancel your own debt. Why wait for a mere man to perform magic when you already see the truth?