Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Long time coming...

So its been quite a while since my last post and glad to say some new things have definitely come my way.

1. I'm officially closer to 30 than I'll ever be! Yes 29 yrs old! I would think that I would be flipping out over being 29 and not have all the fairytale wishes a girl plans in her teenage years---but I'm good. Yes I say that with confidence, I'm good! Like wine, I get better with age! I guess that is my new tag line!!! I realize that what I didn't have at 21 or 25 I now have at 29. I'm learning to understand and appreciate my value and worth as a beautiful black woman. I have chosen to be confident and patient. Too character traits that normally clash with each other in the modern world. But the two combined are a force to be dealt with!

2. I'm done riding the wave. Yes this is a good thing! Some of you may ask what the wave is, but that's for me to label and for you to appreciate metaphorically! I mentioned the wave in earlier post though. It was cool while it lasted. I'm grown enough to know when enough is enough and that two opposite directions can't move in the same way......

3. I'm progressing well through the grieving process. My brother, Taurus, was shot and killed in 2006 and I thought the world stood still, but to my dismay it didn't. I forced myself into work, and graduate school but now I am learning to deal with the grief instead of submerging it. I am facing it head on and that's a good thing.

So its the last day of 2008 and in review I can truly say I enjoyed 08. Like everyone there are some things I wish were different, but I can handle the fact that they are the way they are and that's cool. I don't have to be this superwoman in order to deal with life and love the position that I am in. I plan to take 09 month by month.

Remember it only takes one to start a revolution......

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

20 Days

So I found out last night that the guy I'm crushing will the leaving for California in 20 days! 20 days! Yes 20 days! Secretly I'm flippin out. At first I didn't think twice about but last night when we got to talking about it, reality hit me square in the face! I keep it to myself because I refuse to be selfish. I am under the impression that some things are better left unsaid. I don't want him to change his life for me. Do you, boo! If the move is what you need to better advance yourself and your skills, I am all for it. Maybe these next 20 days is all we are supposed to have.

I almost make it seem like its the end of something, but in all possibility it may be! I am definitely lavishing in the moments.

I know this is a short post, but I had to tell somebody!!!!!

Sunday, December 7, 2008

New Job

So at this point I am totally loving the blog! Thanks Arthur for turning me on to the blog! I love writing but have found little time for my craft and blogging helps to clear my mind and for me to be reflective and connect to something real. So this week I have been considering applying for a new job. I love teaching but I am tired of the high school drama! I want a new circle, a new challenge. I think I have the seven year itch as educators call it! Can't stay in one place no more than seven years...time for something different. I would love to teach at the college level, specifically at the community college. I found a few openings for the 09 school year relatively close to me and I am going to begin working my resume and other requirements. So what's the problem, you may ask??? Well I love the people I work with at my current job! I love the kids, I love being a strong woman of color in a predominately white school. I love giving students an experience many of them will never have again in their life as white children, a black teacher. Yet the dichotomy is that I am the ONLY black teacher in the building! Yes, the only one of a faculty and staff of almost 100! I'm accustomed to the situation considering I was one of the limited numbers in my high school and college--in fact I was the ONLY black student in my college graduation class!

What the hell!!!! Just typing that right then almost made me cry!! Look at what I have experience. Thank God I have a job where I can pour my experiences and lessons into others!

Anyway--I love the high school I teach but hate the politics of it. I am so tired of athletics taking priority over academics, the 15% of students who seriously have NO home training, and no change! Change is so important and there is so little of it. Why do we look at the situation, talk about it and then do nothing! ugh! That's another blog for another day!

So I'm off to the next stage of my life: a new job---wish me well!

Friday, December 5, 2008

She Got Her Own Thang...

I'm known in my circle of family and friends as Mz. Independent: single, no children, educated, homeowner, etc. I'm praised for what they characterize as going the extra mile to accomplish my goals. But is this a blessing or a curse?? I recently meet a guy, Trent, who told be a few days ago that is what he likes about me--that I am not waiting for someone to hand me success, I choose to go after success for myself. I was amazed. Sure I hear it from my friends and family but they are friends and family. To hear it from a man is completely different. I can remember the times when guys would not give me the time of day because they were intimidated by what I quote on quote "have." What am I supposed to wait around to find someone and hope they share their pie with me!! I want my own damn pie! Now don't get me wrong, everybody needs somebody. I am a firm believe we were made for companionship and relationship, but at the same time we are individuals. I want to be known for having my own passions that burn fire in my belly. And support you in what you love to do.

Though the concept is changing, we still have the image of Independence confused. Sure Independence is about being self-sufficient, yet self-aware to know when pride has been elevated too high. Yes I do want a brotha to share my world and I share his, but that doesn't mean I must sacrifice my individual goals and dreams. I say we can have it all!! I'm aware enough to know success means nothing when there is no one to share it with!