Monday, November 29, 2010

I'm Still Waiting

It has been too long. Way too long. Perhaps somewhere in the time frame of seven months. In the lean time I joined facebook--oh the devil, lost weight, gained it back, losing some now, had money trouble, got out of money trouble, feel in love, and let love go. My life has been in plethora--overabundance. In its original form the term is actually a medical term meaning excess of bodily fluid. I have no clue where I learned that from, but I do know it's befitting for my life at the moment. It is the state of affairs for me. I have an overabundance of things and no place to fit those things, literally and figuratively speaking.

My thoughts have been expanded beyond belief. I started a new class at church and the study group has been amazing. I am seeing things on a spiritual level I have never ever seen before and I am so grateful for God's presence in my life. This new vision has led me release my love. I know this sounds strange and typical--woman leaves man for The Man, but please let me explain...I have come to a revelation, I don't want to me like my mother. She was in a decade long physically abusive relationship. Though my love was not physical he was abuse. I relinquished by control to him and my life was miserable. It is so easy to fall for what we don't want and I found that out. I wanted soooo much to let it go but then I didn't. Simple advice was not easy to follow. The real issue was deeper than we. His father was an abuser and my mother was a victim and years later we continued to play the roles. But I stopped. That's not what I want.

How I stopped, I really don't know. I just did. I woke up one day and said enough was enough. And now I just take it as it comes. I have not given up on encountering a new love. He will come; and so I will wait...

One area of lack seems to be my writing. I'm struggling. I haven't picked up pen nor pencil in over a year. I keep search for a flame to ignite my coals's still dark and cold. Last night my aunt told me what I was searching for was within so that's what brought me here.

I guess I'm like L-Boogie, I have soooo much to say right now ....