Put Your Mask On First

We have zero ability to change others. Zero. We have no power to change the attitude, character or actions of others. None.

Yet we can influence the attitude, character and actions of others. How? By simply being our true and authentic self. In a world full of filters and cover-ups, choosing to be who we truly are at this moment is priceless. It's one of the most power gifts we can give to ourselves and those around us. It's how we leave our impact on this planet--choosing to belong just as we are.

By no means am I stating that choosing ourselves is an easy one. Yet I do know it is the only way to truly change the world. Sorry but there's no next Beyonce', or Cardi B, or whoever may be the hottest "it" artist at the moment. It simply can not exist. Because there is only one. One of you. One of them. Literally only one.

So since it's only one of you, why not be you. I get it. I have flaws and all--I am constantly unhappy with this belly that has worked its way back in my life. But it's still a part of me. And I literally have the power to make the change I want to see. No one can do the work for me. I have to conquer the battle in my mind and then put them work in to be different. I can't ask 3/4 of me to stand outside and only allow the 1/4 of me to be present. I have to take all of me into every space and place I occupy. I have to be at peace with me. It's impossible to make impact or have influence on others if I refuse to deal with all of me.

It's easy to point the finger. It takes courage to look in the mirror and recognize one's own reflection. No matter what you think you see or what you even don't want to see; it's you. As they say when you fly, put your mask on first then help those around you.

You want to help others, help you. You want someone else to do something different, how about you start with YOU. It's easy to see what others need, but have you looked at you lately?

Change and impact first starts with you. You want to see others be different and do things differently, you take the first step.

Lowered Expectations

I remembered laughing hysterically to MADtv's Lowered Expectations. It was a parody on the concept of video dating right before the buddings of online dating. Essentially if you were willing to lower your expectations, you literally could have none of your desires. I mean maybe 2 or 3, but that might even be pushing it.

While I thought the skits were funny, in hindsight they were a mirror of our modern lives. When we begin to believe we don't deserve what we desire, we begin to accept any and all substitutions. Most times the substitution appears to be similar to the original. But it's not. Yet many times we accept it anyway. Close enough. Almost. It's okay. 

It's a really tough spot. We know what we want, yet patience givens in to want versus wait and we settle. We end up what getting what we think we want, but it is not what we need in the moment.

It's a really tough spot. We know we don't wanna be there. We condemn ourselves to the negative consequences of the decision and come to believe we deserve it. But that's far from the truth. You're deserving of more. Much more.

Yes it's tough. Yes it is. But tough doesn't mean impossible.

Stand firm in your convictions and truths. Man can't manipulate time, so don't believe what he or she says should occur at a specific time in your life. Maintain your expectations. What you desire will be. It takes you preparing yourself to maintain it. Stay your course. Don't lower your expectations. You got this. You are worth it. 

Dare to be YOU.

I had one of those moments. You know the ones. When you hear the voice whisper the seed of negativity and you take the bait. Yep. I took the bait. For a good 3 to 5 minutes I thought I was everything wrong. That I was a failure. That this closed door confirmed every negative thought I ever uttered about myself. Yep I took the bait.

For context, I was making my way to the train after a decent first day of my new part-time gig in the Bronx. As first days go, I was bombarded with a lot of necessary information to give context to the position. It's work I know but in a different context. So I am excited about learning more about the nonprofit sector. And then boom. I get the email that I did not make it to the next round of the interview process for the a position I applied for at a local university. Dang. Another NO. A loud NO. Even after completing a weeklong complex performance task. I got feedback from a fellow educator about the task and worked even harder to revise it. I really gave it my best and still a NO.

Immediately I begin to think that maybe I wasn't good enough. That my best wasn't enough. That some way, some how I did something where I didn't deserve to have this position. It took everything within me and a crowded train to hold back the tears. With those thoughts looming, I took out my earbuds and continued to listen to my podcast which so happened to be Pastor Mike Todd of Transformation Church in Tulsa, OK. It was a series from 2018 he did on God's Grace--Grace Like a Flood. I pressed play and heard---"God looks at you and says, it's good. The only thing that can define a thing is its creator."

I let that NO define my worth in that split moment. I didn't see the good thing that God had created. I didn't see me. I saw what I thought was the ways that others defined me. The ones that didn't create me. The ones that don't have a way already made for my present and future.

I have got to choose me. If I don't no one else will. Sure it stings a bit when others don't see you as you, but it's literally okay. I am learning to be appreciative of closed doors too. I let what I didn't have at the moment distract me from what I do have--a job. Sure it's part-time right now but I see how my skill set can benefit the community the job serves and what I can learn from the experience as well. I have to stop looking at what I don't have and allowing that to define me. What I do have is much greater.

I want to stand in the courage to wake daily to be my authentic self. I literally can only be ME.