Dare to be YOU.

I had one of those moments. You know the ones. When you hear the voice whisper the seed of negativity and you take the bait. Yep. I took the bait. For a good 3 to 5 minutes I thought I was everything wrong. That I was a failure. That this closed door confirmed every negative thought I ever uttered about myself. Yep I took the bait.

For context, I was making my way to the train after a decent first day of my new part-time gig in the Bronx. As first days go, I was bombarded with a lot of necessary information to give context to the position. It's work I know but in a different context. So I am excited about learning more about the nonprofit sector. And then boom. I get the email that I did not make it to the next round of the interview process for the a position I applied for at a local university. Dang. Another NO. A loud NO. Even after completing a weeklong complex performance task. I got feedback from a fellow educator about the task and worked even harder to revise it. I really gave it my best and still a NO.

Immediately I begin to think that maybe I wasn't good enough. That my best wasn't enough. That some way, some how I did something where I didn't deserve to have this position. It took everything within me and a crowded train to hold back the tears. With those thoughts looming, I took out my earbuds and continued to listen to my podcast which so happened to be Pastor Mike Todd of Transformation Church in Tulsa, OK. It was a series from 2018 he did on God's Grace--Grace Like a Flood. I pressed play and heard---"God looks at you and says, it's good. The only thing that can define a thing is its creator."

I let that NO define my worth in that split moment. I didn't see the good thing that God had created. I didn't see me. I saw what I thought was the ways that others defined me. The ones that didn't create me. The ones that don't have a way already made for my present and future.

I have got to choose me. If I don't no one else will. Sure it stings a bit when others don't see you as you, but it's literally okay. I am learning to be appreciative of closed doors too. I let what I didn't have at the moment distract me from what I do have--a job. Sure it's part-time right now but I see how my skill set can benefit the community the job serves and what I can learn from the experience as well. I have to stop looking at what I don't have and allowing that to define me. What I do have is much greater.

I want to stand in the courage to wake daily to be my authentic self. I literally can only be ME.