Sunday, February 12, 2012

Serious Moments in Life

I can't say it enough how much I am in love with my life right now. All things seem to be working for my good, yet I seem to be indecisive as of lately. I mean I have everything an accomplished woman could ask for--a dream new job in New Jersey with Teach for America, which starts in June; loving and adoring parents who are support me through all things; and I belong to a great church--but something is off in my life.

It's monumental...I am in "like" with someone and it seems that instead of advancing the relationship I find ways of bringing all things to a halt. And how do you tend to do this Tiffany, you might ask? My quick response: my past experiences, my detailed response....

So like most of us, I have had an unpleasant experience with a young man. I could truly say I was in love with this young man, but the relationship was not mutually beneficial. And it left me questioning myself in all aspects. I questioned my motivation, my values, my wants, my needs, my worth, my desires, everything. Honestly it was what my soul truly needed--one of those blessings in disguise. The incisions were deep and the surgery was lengthy but necessary. I didn't like the person I had become and I was determined to make a change. Then Mr. "Like" comes along and challenges all the changes I have began to make.

Honestly he is much of what I want and need in my life but yet I am letting old issues creep up. Some times some thing as simple as one word triggers something of the past and I want to back away. he says something or does something and I see past in all bold flashing lights and have to fight the urge to make a quick exit stage left and call it a d.a.y., seriously! And he is patient enough to know when I am having a "moment" and gives me time to calm down, but I am in no way being fair to him. He didn't cause my past pain and he should not have to be a my personal pin cushion. I don't want to ruin my own vision by throwing salt in my eyes.

So where do I go from here? When does this past affliction stop?

Ask myself these questions in an effort to acknowledge and work towards healing and building. I know path on life's journey passes through some wicked forests, but this moment in my life doesn't have to be forever.

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