My Daddy

At the beginning of month my mother and I drove to ATL to visit my dad. I was excited to see him, but not that excited to visit ATL in August! Maneee Georgia in August is a heat box. The sun burns through the skin with vengeance!!! But my daddy is worth it all.

I wish I could say that my relationship with my dad has been the greatest, but truth be told it has had its share of valley experiences. My dad moved to Georgia when I was about 6 yrs old. I rarely saw him. Throughout my childhood I wondered why I wasn't like other kids who had dads. It was something my young mind couldn't understand. It was like as I grew the concept of a dad grew further away from me. I saw and heard less of him and of his side of the family. I wondered why no one ever cared about the great things I did in school. You know the moment in 4th grade when you won the essay writing contest and you look in the crowd hoping to see more than just your mom's bright loving smile. You know the moment at graduation 8th grade, high school, when you look in the group for a familiar old face only to be disappointed--he wasn't there. My mom and siblings were the only people who showed up at my high school graduation. That night I truly cried like I had never cried before. It was almost a confirmation of my loneliness. I clearly remember I was supposed to go to my friend's graduation party that night, but I didn't go--why--because I couldn't stomach her happiness. Her entire family was there supporting her and mines couldn't even pretend to care.

Yep that's how I felt and it has taken me years to heal and hear. Hear the truth of the matter and accept the consequences of life choices. The truth is, I can't blame. My dad made his choices at that moment and so did I BUT I have the choice not the stay in that place of hurt and angry if I so choose. I cannot grow in one aspect of my life and be dead in the other. Impossible. To grow meant I had to reach out to my dad with a clear and willing heart open to love in spite of, yes in spite of. The hardest thing to do is to love someone for who they really are, not who you want them to be.

Of course I wanted my dad to be dad in my life, but it at that moment he couldn't I still had to love him. And I do. I love my daddy. I won't replace him for the world. I take it all, because all if has gotten us to this wonderful place we are today. We have a loving, growing relationship. I try to make it to Georgia at least once a year to see him. We both look forward to those moments. We talk on the phone at least once a week and never end a conversation without saying I love you. The beginning was rough, the middle mushy, but the right now is amazing! I'm 31 yrs old and head over heels for my daddy.

I have new memories to replace the old....driving 45 mins. to This is it! just for some of their amazing bbq chicken and peach cobbler only to get lost on the way back because Dad fell asleep while I was driving!!! He keep telling me to drive straight...I just laughed when he woke up and we both had NO clue where we were!! Me telling Dad I was going to go out with my cousins and him look at me with sad eyes...I called my cousins to tell them I changed my mind...I was staying home with Dad tonight. Me telling him I wouldn't be able to make it to Georgia this summer. He said he understood and that he loved me. A day later I was ringing his doorbell. He answered the door with the biggest grin on his face I had ever seen. He was speechless with excitement and frankly so was I.