I've been a wreck this week. I have come to the reality that I am leaving. Leaving my job of 10 years, my family, friends. My home. It's not like when I left for college. Then I knew I was returning home soon. Soon could have been the weekend, a school break, the summer, etc. Throughout my collegiate career I knew I where home was and knew how to easily get there. Yet this leave places me in a variety of unknowns. Sure I will have the privilege of frolicking around New York City for five weeks, but it won't be home.
I am in a new position in my life where I have to create the is concept of home for myself. I truly must define these parameters myself. The task, monumental to say the least, seems daunting at the moment. So much that I have tried not to think of it, yet that is all I find myself thinking of. These logistics juxtaposed the emotional aspects have left me in tears all week. In my misty eyes my heart is heavy; the causal on-looker my not notice but those with depth most likely see the sag.
Bittersweet. Bittersweet explains it best.
Where I go from here and how I get there is a mystery. I just know that when the day comes I will arrive ready. My journey has prepared me for that moment. I am learning that I must give in to the moment. I can't hold a moving object still.
I must keep chasing the shadow...as I move it moves...a continuous motion....
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