If you are true music fan, you will recognize Paula Cole's 90's song title. No this post isn't about the 90's or music for that matter. Being that it s the last day in February, I had to take a moment to pay homage to my people.
I have always been proud to be a Black American. Yes I say Black American. I prefer the term, but take no offense to African American. (My reasons for another post...) I am proud to come from a lineage of people who know how to encounter injustice with true courage and bravery. I am proud to come from a lineage of people who were commitment to see change even if it meant not in their life time.
But in 2012 I pause out of concern. Truly where have all the cowboys gone? Where are the voices standing for change? The voices sharing the bravery of yesterday and the glad tidings of tomorrow. Somewhere we have lost our connection to the past and have desecrated the glorious history of a people to being a behavior--rap music, sagging pants, ill language, flashy jewelry, chrome wheels, etc, etc. We are nowhere near removed from the struggle. And forgetting the efforts of those who were a part of it and witnessed it is a blasphemous shame to humanity.
With the westward expansion of the United States, it is estimated at one fourth of all cowboys were Black. These men most times received equal wages as their white counterparts. Just like others, Blacks forged west in hopes of creating their own slice of the American pie. They built all black western towns--Nicodemus, Kansas; Dearfield Colorado; Boley, Oklahoma. They farmed, lived in sod houses, and worked hard. How dare we forget? How dare we not know? How dare we not remind ourselves that Black History is American History.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
The Inward Battle:Silent Permission
It's no secret that I am a little bit different, rather strange, and certainly one of a kind. One of the hardest lessons I have learned was to love my uniqueness. I have always been the round peg who could not fit into the square hole. And my silence did no good to my own self labeled eccentricity. No I wasn't the outward flamboyant, but my extrordinary thoughts always remained private; thus my inward struggle.
It's not a unique battle to me. Most won't admit their inner struggle even to the most intimate of friends. It is a challenge we were conditioned to keep to self, which in turn is self destructive behavior. The taboo surrounding mental health has come a long way, yet much work is still needed in the area. The fact is we all have experienced a mental battle. This battle comes in several recognizable forms--low self esteem, abuse of any kind, living in a "broken" family, etc. It all starts in the mind--a word we heard, or words we didn't hear that we thought we should have heard--the effects of actions done or not even completed--it all is processed in the mind sowing seeds for a inward battle.
With no intentions to belittle any traumatic experiences, but it is not the battle that causes us the stress or imbalance, it's the capped bottle that shakes us. Keeping it all within is the problem. We will experience a multitude of things, but these things should be released not withheld. By withholding your story you are withholding your dreams, aspirations, present and most importantly your future. The moment you allow what others think, believe, and speak to control the quality, pitch, and volume of your voice you walk like the living dead. Though breath is flowing through your being, life is all but absent. Silence is deadly. . You can not afford to relinquish your voice under any circumstances. Break the silence. Let it all hang out! Now know that I am not suggesting anyone to go willy nilly and use your voice to impose negativity on yourself or others. Not at all. Your voice is meant to create and promote life not bondage, thus you must use it wisely.
Yes. Using your voice is one of the hardest battles to overcome, but know it is well worth the fight. Sure some don't agree with my voice, can't understand my voice or simply don't hear my voice, but it is mine. I have come into the understanding that my voice was to intended to give life to my every valuable thought the creator, God, placed within me. When I allow my voice to be under another's lock and key I am giving silent permission to every negative force in the universe to cause havoc in my life. By the mere power of my words I can produce the outcome I desire. I end by battle with I break the silence. To reaffirming my birth right, the freedom to pursue my happiness, I speak. Platinum coated words with access to former restricted areas. I speak. With quality in small quantity. Unashamed of who might hear, I speak.
Stand up, speak up. Don't ponder the ifs. Put a voice to your pain and watch it begin to turn to gain.
It's not a unique battle to me. Most won't admit their inner struggle even to the most intimate of friends. It is a challenge we were conditioned to keep to self, which in turn is self destructive behavior. The taboo surrounding mental health has come a long way, yet much work is still needed in the area. The fact is we all have experienced a mental battle. This battle comes in several recognizable forms--low self esteem, abuse of any kind, living in a "broken" family, etc. It all starts in the mind--a word we heard, or words we didn't hear that we thought we should have heard--the effects of actions done or not even completed--it all is processed in the mind sowing seeds for a inward battle.
With no intentions to belittle any traumatic experiences, but it is not the battle that causes us the stress or imbalance, it's the capped bottle that shakes us. Keeping it all within is the problem. We will experience a multitude of things, but these things should be released not withheld. By withholding your story you are withholding your dreams, aspirations, present and most importantly your future. The moment you allow what others think, believe, and speak to control the quality, pitch, and volume of your voice you walk like the living dead. Though breath is flowing through your being, life is all but absent. Silence is deadly. . You can not afford to relinquish your voice under any circumstances. Break the silence. Let it all hang out! Now know that I am not suggesting anyone to go willy nilly and use your voice to impose negativity on yourself or others. Not at all. Your voice is meant to create and promote life not bondage, thus you must use it wisely.
Yes. Using your voice is one of the hardest battles to overcome, but know it is well worth the fight. Sure some don't agree with my voice, can't understand my voice or simply don't hear my voice, but it is mine. I have come into the understanding that my voice was to intended to give life to my every valuable thought the creator, God, placed within me. When I allow my voice to be under another's lock and key I am giving silent permission to every negative force in the universe to cause havoc in my life. By the mere power of my words I can produce the outcome I desire. I end by battle with I break the silence. To reaffirming my birth right, the freedom to pursue my happiness, I speak. Platinum coated words with access to former restricted areas. I speak. With quality in small quantity. Unashamed of who might hear, I speak.
Stand up, speak up. Don't ponder the ifs. Put a voice to your pain and watch it begin to turn to gain.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Damaged??
Being a fan of words--all kinds--good words—exhilarating, succumb; bad words—any swear word will do; I try to peruse the blog scene daily. Kind of like my morning and afternoon coffee ( I hate coffee by the way). One of the blogs I regularly follow is singleblackmale.org I love the candor the men provide and the comments can be Wow Nelly some times, but it keeps me reading. A recent post by come of the writers was, in brief, using a line from Drake's song, Make Me Proud, "I like a woman with a future and a past, A little attitude problem all good it'll make the sh-t last, Don't make it too easy girl, don't take it too fast . . ." I loved the post for its honesty and thought provoking content, but I really, really, really made me think. What is it with this concept of damaged goods? If one is damaged does that mean they will always wear that label?
While Drake's lines seem to be a paradox, it really trumps the entire idea of being damaged goods, right? If you have a future and a past, then you had a past that you obviously overcame to have an impactful future, right? Isn't that the concept of the entire song? Why else would Drake be so proud of you?
From all accounts I tend to believe we are only damaged if we allow ourselves to live in the wreck. Broken things get fixed all the time and some sometimes things have to be broken to be fixed. And this is where perception is at its greatest. You must know how to look at the situation. Will you allow it to determine everything you can't do or drive it to push you to be everything that you are supposed to be?
Any time you choose to enter into a romantic relationship of any kind you are making an unspoken agreement of acceptance. This agreement is not to accept any ill wanted behavior but it is to accept and support the person's commitment to be a better person. If you believe at any point that job, for the lack of better words, has requirements that you can not or will not agree to you then have the option to walk away. It's a pure matter of choice. However know that all things quick and easy aren't good. Sure it may take some time to see total fruit of change, yet the outcome is most benefitcial to all involved. We all have something we need to move beyond and external support to keep us in the right direction.
I guess my point in it all is really, really, really I could care less if you grew up in a broken family, or was shot five times, or lost a limb, or sold dope, or whatever your past circumstances may be. What I care about is what are you doing now? You don't have to wear the label of damaged for your lifetime. In the words of the Dalai Lama . . . when you lose, don't lose the lesson....
"Everything’s adding up, you've been through hell and back, that's why you're bad as f... and you know you are" Drake--Make Me Proud
While Drake's lines seem to be a paradox, it really trumps the entire idea of being damaged goods, right? If you have a future and a past, then you had a past that you obviously overcame to have an impactful future, right? Isn't that the concept of the entire song? Why else would Drake be so proud of you?
From all accounts I tend to believe we are only damaged if we allow ourselves to live in the wreck. Broken things get fixed all the time and some sometimes things have to be broken to be fixed. And this is where perception is at its greatest. You must know how to look at the situation. Will you allow it to determine everything you can't do or drive it to push you to be everything that you are supposed to be?
Any time you choose to enter into a romantic relationship of any kind you are making an unspoken agreement of acceptance. This agreement is not to accept any ill wanted behavior but it is to accept and support the person's commitment to be a better person. If you believe at any point that job, for the lack of better words, has requirements that you can not or will not agree to you then have the option to walk away. It's a pure matter of choice. However know that all things quick and easy aren't good. Sure it may take some time to see total fruit of change, yet the outcome is most benefitcial to all involved. We all have something we need to move beyond and external support to keep us in the right direction.
I guess my point in it all is really, really, really I could care less if you grew up in a broken family, or was shot five times, or lost a limb, or sold dope, or whatever your past circumstances may be. What I care about is what are you doing now? You don't have to wear the label of damaged for your lifetime. In the words of the Dalai Lama . . . when you lose, don't lose the lesson....
"Everything’s adding up, you've been through hell and back, that's why you're bad as f... and you know you are" Drake--Make Me Proud
Monday, February 20, 2012
Loving Love
Recently I recalled a conversation that I had with one of my best sistagirlfriends and love. I don't know if it's our age--a ripe 32 years--or our genuine natural that truly let us to this topic. It was further on the fore front when I watched a news special in ATL about couples who have been married for over 50 years who lived in the same neighborhood. It was so beautiful it led me to tears. Yeah I'm a MAJOR sap. Undoubtedly, we all want to be loved and know its being returned, but are we truly ready for its eternal style to take over our being? Honestly, I love the ideal of love--what it stands for, its ability, and how it functions--but I don't know if I am ready for it.
I know there's no store bought barometer that can gauge my readiness level or any no true visible signs of ripeness like a banana (though I love a banana that is still under ripe with a little green on it). But love is not fruit or temperature; there has got to be some means to know your love has hit perfection and you are ready to share in its experience. Emotions can be tricky but really is love that complex? It is that shrouded it needs a surgical team to remove its garments? I don't know all, but I'm convinced majority of us don't know what love truly is. Yes I made a logical fallacy with my major generalization here--but if we did know what it was, maybe we won't mislabel it, abuse it, miss use it, discard it, and long so hard for it.
My humble (yes I am in awe of how many people read my blog) opinion places love at the top of every must have list. Why? Well in the best words I can use--it's love. So circular of me, right? I discuss love and then use it an explanatory manner to explain it. So let me attempt to show my love of love...
I know there's no store bought barometer that can gauge my readiness level or any no true visible signs of ripeness like a banana (though I love a banana that is still under ripe with a little green on it). But love is not fruit or temperature; there has got to be some means to know your love has hit perfection and you are ready to share in its experience. Emotions can be tricky but really is love that complex? It is that shrouded it needs a surgical team to remove its garments? I don't know all, but I'm convinced majority of us don't know what love truly is. Yes I made a logical fallacy with my major generalization here--but if we did know what it was, maybe we won't mislabel it, abuse it, miss use it, discard it, and long so hard for it.
My humble (yes I am in awe of how many people read my blog) opinion places love at the top of every must have list. Why? Well in the best words I can use--it's love. So circular of me, right? I discuss love and then use it an explanatory manner to explain it. So let me attempt to show my love of love...
- One reason I love love is because it is eternal. Love in all forms is everlasting. I can't understand how we choose to limit something that is intended to be limitless in application. If you love me, I shouldn't have to question if your love will be present tomorrow or the next day. Even if I should leave all visible presence, you should still love me. This eternal love is evident in parental relationships but can't it be in romantic love too? Can I love him into infinity???
- Another reason I love love is because it truly conquerors all. Afraid? Confused? Lost? Run to love and it covers you.
- Love is simply beautiful. It has a natural ambiance that glows. A beckoning glow that begs your attention. love needs to make up to enhance its features or heighten its attractive qualities. The old couples I show on that news report looked eternally youthful as they shared their stories of love. Their excitement for each other even after all the years never faded.
- Love is truth. And you know how I feel about the truth...you can't truly live without it. They say truth hurts--well it does sting for a moment. If allowed, love will spread once truth is acquired and begin to heal wounds. But we just have to let it work. Don't give in or up so easily--it takes a true commitment.
- And yet another reason I love love is its cost. You can't buy it with any form of monetary funds. It comes with a price tag you must be willing to pay for it with the very breathe you breath. Every ounce of your being must be dedicated to knowing love's value and risk. Love is work that it labor intensive, not for the faint. It you are looking for cheap, fast, and easy---well that's not love.
- Love's a mutual benefactor. In love, both parties win. The fact that you can love is its gift to the giver. Sure we all want reciprocity, but pure love, true love, real love receives as it gives.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Moving
In preparation for my New Jersey move, I am beginning to pack, boy what a task. I must downsize a-sap! It's ridiculous the abundance of shoes, clothes, and home decor that I have. For example, I have 14 yards of a pretty almond brown with gold specs fabric. It was my intent 6 years ago to have my cousin make be some curtains for my living room. But you guessed it, that never happened! So what in the world do I do with the fabric now?? But that's not the end--upstairs I found more fabric!! Now I look at the clothes I never wore, pictures I never hung, and shoes I never walked in and see nothing but dollars! Imagine if I would have saved all that money I spent....I'm seriously shaking my head now. But the saying goes, why cry now??? It's a bit to late to cry after the fact....I'm moving.
In all aspects of my life, I'm moving. At this point it doesn't matter who's going with me. I need no audience to make the choice or supporters to follow me; I just need to complete the action. I need to move because I need to move. If I stay any longer I run the risk of missing my meeting. Sounds strange? Not really, just think about it. If you stay in the same position long enough you can get everything that you aren't asking for. Honestly, stand in one spot you can experience sun, rain, snow, etc. all the weather conditions you please--if you stand in that one position for several years. Who would do that, right? Stand in one place for years just to experience the variety. The choice seems problematic and quite unwise, but we do it all the time. Stand in one spot and watch the motions slide right past us. Everything passes us right by. But, why stay? Movement allows you to experience it all in a relatively short amount of time.
In life we tend to be too stationary. Most times fear roots us standing still in all aspects of our lives. The worst feeling in the world is wanting something yet being too afraid to go after it. Recent events have shown the world time waits for no man or woman. We must move forward in our journey. Forward progression requires movement--some planned others spontaneous, regardless, remove your feet and move forward. Nothing comes to one who just dreams but sleep. Faith without works is dead. Something from nothing gets nothing. Go. Go kicking and screaming if you have to but just go. Follow that imagination you so creatively have. Create your life's desire in real life action. Go. Go. Go.
So here I am going. Moving as I pack and prepare to move. I'm giving away and donating then trashing the rest. I'm tackling the move with motion and for once, I am not out of breath, in fact I'm breathing much better now. My meeting date is drawing near and new adventures are waiting for me to move so I gotta go.
In all aspects of my life, I'm moving. At this point it doesn't matter who's going with me. I need no audience to make the choice or supporters to follow me; I just need to complete the action. I need to move because I need to move. If I stay any longer I run the risk of missing my meeting. Sounds strange? Not really, just think about it. If you stay in the same position long enough you can get everything that you aren't asking for. Honestly, stand in one spot you can experience sun, rain, snow, etc. all the weather conditions you please--if you stand in that one position for several years. Who would do that, right? Stand in one place for years just to experience the variety. The choice seems problematic and quite unwise, but we do it all the time. Stand in one spot and watch the motions slide right past us. Everything passes us right by. But, why stay? Movement allows you to experience it all in a relatively short amount of time.
In life we tend to be too stationary. Most times fear roots us standing still in all aspects of our lives. The worst feeling in the world is wanting something yet being too afraid to go after it. Recent events have shown the world time waits for no man or woman. We must move forward in our journey. Forward progression requires movement--some planned others spontaneous, regardless, remove your feet and move forward. Nothing comes to one who just dreams but sleep. Faith without works is dead. Something from nothing gets nothing. Go. Go kicking and screaming if you have to but just go. Follow that imagination you so creatively have. Create your life's desire in real life action. Go. Go. Go.
So here I am going. Moving as I pack and prepare to move. I'm giving away and donating then trashing the rest. I'm tackling the move with motion and for once, I am not out of breath, in fact I'm breathing much better now. My meeting date is drawing near and new adventures are waiting for me to move so I gotta go.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
I Do
So I just touched down about 4 hours ago and I can't get certain songs out of my head. Like every radio I have experienced in the nation, Atlanta's stations play the same songs over and over again. Now Jeezy, Drake, Tyga, Wale, and Blue's momma are in my head. Their words are blending together to make this new song--some new remix I have solely created. One repeated phrase, I Do, plays constantly at random times.
Of course, my magnificent mind reaches into formerly inaccessible areas and begins to think about those two words, I Do. People live to here these two words on one special day. Yep those words stop at that alter and linger for that one special day and forget to make a connection to its intended context and audience.
Did you know the divorce rate in 2009 was 50%? So that means half of the people who married in 2009 divorced. I'm baffled. What's the point of committing to eternal love yet limit its length? But this post has nothing to do with marriage or divorce explicitly but implied they do. These two words really got me thinking about what I say "I do" to. Follow me for a minute....
I can honestly say that I am super shy. Have always been. I'm not the one who enters a crowded room and mingles with everyone, not to say I lack in the conversational skills, but I'm shy. Initiate a conversation with me and I can go without breathe, yet I am content to do things and be by myself. Yes I love the being with others, but I'm content shopping alone too. Why? Because one day I just decided to say I do to me. Yeah that inner voice that has always been present no matter how much I tried to deny it. I'd dress it up to hide it because its sound was off beat from others.
Imagine if we all married ourselves, not like Dennis Rodman, but that could be rather amusing--but I'm speaking about deciding to commit to who you really are. Yet many of us would rather deny ourselves the luxury of meeting ourselves. I stated this before in previous post Dating the Real You, the real you is much better than the fake somebody else. Every time you assume the character of another you are branded as fake, because in reality there's only one---one Mike Jackson (as my handsome little cousin Allen affectionately calls him), one Whitney Houston, one James Brown, one Etta James, one Teddy P, one Heavy D, one Gerald Levert--no matter how many people may sound like these there's still just one.
When we deny ourselves the power to be the person we were created to be ultimately we lose. It sounds harsh to say, but ignoring important things can be harmful. Bring back in the divorce rate. Honesty would have stopped you way before a proposal would have been planned. Stop saying I do to the wrong things....sometimes you need to say I don't and I won't.
Of course, my magnificent mind reaches into formerly inaccessible areas and begins to think about those two words, I Do. People live to here these two words on one special day. Yep those words stop at that alter and linger for that one special day and forget to make a connection to its intended context and audience.
Did you know the divorce rate in 2009 was 50%? So that means half of the people who married in 2009 divorced. I'm baffled. What's the point of committing to eternal love yet limit its length? But this post has nothing to do with marriage or divorce explicitly but implied they do. These two words really got me thinking about what I say "I do" to. Follow me for a minute....
I can honestly say that I am super shy. Have always been. I'm not the one who enters a crowded room and mingles with everyone, not to say I lack in the conversational skills, but I'm shy. Initiate a conversation with me and I can go without breathe, yet I am content to do things and be by myself. Yes I love the being with others, but I'm content shopping alone too. Why? Because one day I just decided to say I do to me. Yeah that inner voice that has always been present no matter how much I tried to deny it. I'd dress it up to hide it because its sound was off beat from others.
Imagine if we all married ourselves, not like Dennis Rodman, but that could be rather amusing--but I'm speaking about deciding to commit to who you really are. Yet many of us would rather deny ourselves the luxury of meeting ourselves. I stated this before in previous post Dating the Real You, the real you is much better than the fake somebody else. Every time you assume the character of another you are branded as fake, because in reality there's only one---one Mike Jackson (as my handsome little cousin Allen affectionately calls him), one Whitney Houston, one James Brown, one Etta James, one Teddy P, one Heavy D, one Gerald Levert--no matter how many people may sound like these there's still just one.
When we deny ourselves the power to be the person we were created to be ultimately we lose. It sounds harsh to say, but ignoring important things can be harmful. Bring back in the divorce rate. Honesty would have stopped you way before a proposal would have been planned. Stop saying I do to the wrong things....sometimes you need to say I don't and I won't.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
The Power of Vision
Vision is not the ability to see with the natural eye. It is the ability to believe what has yet to materialize. Architects do it all day; create what has not been seen. When we were children, we did it all the time. We closed our eyes, even in the mist of day, and dreamed of a world invincible of negativity and pain. A world built by the wildest parts of our imagination. You remember don't you? I know I do.
My imagination still runs wild. Sometimes I close my eyes and see. See several things--things that are there and things I make up to be there. My greatest thoughts come when I see not with my eyes. I am under the impression that you must see whatever it may be you desire before it can ever happen. We must allow ourselves these childish behaviors in order to have a successful adult journey.
So lately I have been envisioning myself in the wealth of my passions. What do I mean? Well, I can see my desires-all of them. Love, marriage, children, author, etc...I seen it happen already in my vision. No it wasn't some magical world that only operates with invisible capes, it was real. It was me. My childhood imagination has advanced itself. Adapted, grown and is still functioning. Quite frankly, so should yours. Just because you can't see it, no matter what that it may be, doesn't mean it is not there.
I have a tattoo on my forearm that states, never forget the struggle. People ask me all the time, what does your tattoo say, when they get a small glimpse of it peeking from beneath my sweater. When I tell them, I'm quite sure they don't understand, but it's a statement recognizing the vision of Black people in America.
My great great great grandparents saw me in their future. They saw me. Yes me. The impact I need to make in the world. In their vision of possibilities, they saw something had to be different. And look I AM HERE! Their struggle was for me. And now I envision life for others. The struggle of my ancestors is not forgotten because I chose to see what is yet to be seen.
The beauty of it, I see you in my future. What's the point of seeing it alone. You can come too. We must begin to believe in what is yet to come. I know that I am on the cusp of something great in my life. Not only have a seen it, I believe it, and know its on the way. Begin to see yourself draped in your desires of the good life you so deserve....
My imagination still runs wild. Sometimes I close my eyes and see. See several things--things that are there and things I make up to be there. My greatest thoughts come when I see not with my eyes. I am under the impression that you must see whatever it may be you desire before it can ever happen. We must allow ourselves these childish behaviors in order to have a successful adult journey.
So lately I have been envisioning myself in the wealth of my passions. What do I mean? Well, I can see my desires-all of them. Love, marriage, children, author, etc...I seen it happen already in my vision. No it wasn't some magical world that only operates with invisible capes, it was real. It was me. My childhood imagination has advanced itself. Adapted, grown and is still functioning. Quite frankly, so should yours. Just because you can't see it, no matter what that it may be, doesn't mean it is not there.
I have a tattoo on my forearm that states, never forget the struggle. People ask me all the time, what does your tattoo say, when they get a small glimpse of it peeking from beneath my sweater. When I tell them, I'm quite sure they don't understand, but it's a statement recognizing the vision of Black people in America.
My great great great grandparents saw me in their future. They saw me. Yes me. The impact I need to make in the world. In their vision of possibilities, they saw something had to be different. And look I AM HERE! Their struggle was for me. And now I envision life for others. The struggle of my ancestors is not forgotten because I chose to see what is yet to be seen.
The beauty of it, I see you in my future. What's the point of seeing it alone. You can come too. We must begin to believe in what is yet to come. I know that I am on the cusp of something great in my life. Not only have a seen it, I believe it, and know its on the way. Begin to see yourself draped in your desires of the good life you so deserve....
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Serious Moments in Life
I can't say it enough how much I am in love with my life right now. All things seem to be working for my good, yet I seem to be indecisive as of lately. I mean I have everything an accomplished woman could ask for--a dream new job in New Jersey with Teach for America, which starts in June; loving and adoring parents who are support me through all things; and I belong to a great church--but something is off in my life.
It's monumental...I am in "like" with someone and it seems that instead of advancing the relationship I find ways of bringing all things to a halt. And how do you tend to do this Tiffany, you might ask? My quick response: my past experiences, my detailed response....
So like most of us, I have had an unpleasant experience with a young man. I could truly say I was in love with this young man, but the relationship was not mutually beneficial. And it left me questioning myself in all aspects. I questioned my motivation, my values, my wants, my needs, my worth, my desires, everything. Honestly it was what my soul truly needed--one of those blessings in disguise. The incisions were deep and the surgery was lengthy but necessary. I didn't like the person I had become and I was determined to make a change. Then Mr. "Like" comes along and challenges all the changes I have began to make.
Honestly he is much of what I want and need in my life but yet I am letting old issues creep up. Some times some thing as simple as one word triggers something of the past and I want to back away. he says something or does something and I see past in all bold flashing lights and have to fight the urge to make a quick exit stage left and call it a d.a.y., seriously! And he is patient enough to know when I am having a "moment" and gives me time to calm down, but I am in no way being fair to him. He didn't cause my past pain and he should not have to be a my personal pin cushion. I don't want to ruin my own vision by throwing salt in my eyes.
So where do I go from here? When does this past affliction stop?
Ask myself these questions in an effort to acknowledge and work towards healing and building. I know path on life's journey passes through some wicked forests, but this moment in my life doesn't have to be forever.
It's monumental...I am in "like" with someone and it seems that instead of advancing the relationship I find ways of bringing all things to a halt. And how do you tend to do this Tiffany, you might ask? My quick response: my past experiences, my detailed response....
So like most of us, I have had an unpleasant experience with a young man. I could truly say I was in love with this young man, but the relationship was not mutually beneficial. And it left me questioning myself in all aspects. I questioned my motivation, my values, my wants, my needs, my worth, my desires, everything. Honestly it was what my soul truly needed--one of those blessings in disguise. The incisions were deep and the surgery was lengthy but necessary. I didn't like the person I had become and I was determined to make a change. Then Mr. "Like" comes along and challenges all the changes I have began to make.
Honestly he is much of what I want and need in my life but yet I am letting old issues creep up. Some times some thing as simple as one word triggers something of the past and I want to back away. he says something or does something and I see past in all bold flashing lights and have to fight the urge to make a quick exit stage left and call it a d.a.y., seriously! And he is patient enough to know when I am having a "moment" and gives me time to calm down, but I am in no way being fair to him. He didn't cause my past pain and he should not have to be a my personal pin cushion. I don't want to ruin my own vision by throwing salt in my eyes.
So where do I go from here? When does this past affliction stop?
Ask myself these questions in an effort to acknowledge and work towards healing and building. I know path on life's journey passes through some wicked forests, but this moment in my life doesn't have to be forever.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
The Mask We Wear
It seems like it's been forever since my last post. I have no clue where time has gone. Between my uncle's passing, working the 2 jobs, and dealing the Teach for America stuff, some days I have no clue what I'm doing. But the crazy part...I'm the happiest I have been in a very long time!! I genuinely have a smile that seems to be radiating from the inside. I have learned to find the moment to be grateful in the mist of life's journey.
At all times, no matter the situation, we all should be grateful. Grateful for the little things--a smile, an occasional laugh, the smell of Fall, etc. The appreciation of the little things help us to appreciate this journey in its totality. And at this moment, I am in love with my journey.
What's my secret?? There's none!
Honestly, we all search for the magic combination of life and balance to find happiness when it exist within. We can't find what we are looking for on the outside; the search must start within. The inter you holds the key to the success of life's desires. As my last post stated, your purpose in life is connected to you at birth. Do you honestly know what's in you? Rivers of life are flowing in you. Dip into this source and find what you have been searching for this whole time. Yes, this whole time it's been in you all along.It starts with one step. One decision to decide that what you have been doing; the outward search and shuffle, is no good. Because you did not create yourself, you must return to the Creator for proper operation instructions. That decision starts on the inside. It is the giving of yourself to complete submission to what you were created for is when you find the true you. It's that moment of still silence when you hear that small voice you had been running from. It speaks to you clearly and this time you gotta listen. It's a peaceful, reassuring, and encouraging voice. It tells you to fall back in love with you and simple pleasures you once enjoyed but disregarded for the clutter of people and things. Still yourself to hear again.
I know this sounds strange, but it's tested truth. Stop running from you. All those these are well, just things. They seem great to have, but they bring you not true joy. Joy is the sense of knowing happiness is eternal. You can be happy in all situations your journey comes into. Let no person or no thing block you from your reaching your destiny. Be you you're supposed to be. It's never to late to take the mask off. It's never to late to realize this isn't what you want. It's never to late to find yourself and the happiness you deserve.
It's okay to acknowledge you're not content. But it's NOT okay to NOT make the change necessary to find what you are desiring. Nobody said this journey would be easy. Most things on this journey come with growing pains. But they are temporary and well worth the outcome.
However, understand this necessary attention to the inner man is at a price; once you feed yourself it's obligation to feed others. Thirsty souls are waiting for you to release so they too can drink. They need you to follow your inward man so their outward can resemble the same happiness that you have found. They want to remove their mask too. They want to be free too. You must share with them how to reach what you have already found. Your passion will feed a multitude who will eat of you and find their inner passion and thus the cycle will continue. But it must start with one man. One man who has the courage to stand in the mist of the crowded room and peel off the mask and let the true soul glow....it only takes one to start a revolution of change...
At all times, no matter the situation, we all should be grateful. Grateful for the little things--a smile, an occasional laugh, the smell of Fall, etc. The appreciation of the little things help us to appreciate this journey in its totality. And at this moment, I am in love with my journey.
What's my secret?? There's none!
Honestly, we all search for the magic combination of life and balance to find happiness when it exist within. We can't find what we are looking for on the outside; the search must start within. The inter you holds the key to the success of life's desires. As my last post stated, your purpose in life is connected to you at birth. Do you honestly know what's in you? Rivers of life are flowing in you. Dip into this source and find what you have been searching for this whole time. Yes, this whole time it's been in you all along.It starts with one step. One decision to decide that what you have been doing; the outward search and shuffle, is no good. Because you did not create yourself, you must return to the Creator for proper operation instructions. That decision starts on the inside. It is the giving of yourself to complete submission to what you were created for is when you find the true you. It's that moment of still silence when you hear that small voice you had been running from. It speaks to you clearly and this time you gotta listen. It's a peaceful, reassuring, and encouraging voice. It tells you to fall back in love with you and simple pleasures you once enjoyed but disregarded for the clutter of people and things. Still yourself to hear again.
I know this sounds strange, but it's tested truth. Stop running from you. All those these are well, just things. They seem great to have, but they bring you not true joy. Joy is the sense of knowing happiness is eternal. You can be happy in all situations your journey comes into. Let no person or no thing block you from your reaching your destiny. Be you you're supposed to be. It's never to late to take the mask off. It's never to late to realize this isn't what you want. It's never to late to find yourself and the happiness you deserve.
It's okay to acknowledge you're not content. But it's NOT okay to NOT make the change necessary to find what you are desiring. Nobody said this journey would be easy. Most things on this journey come with growing pains. But they are temporary and well worth the outcome.
However, understand this necessary attention to the inner man is at a price; once you feed yourself it's obligation to feed others. Thirsty souls are waiting for you to release so they too can drink. They need you to follow your inward man so their outward can resemble the same happiness that you have found. They want to remove their mask too. They want to be free too. You must share with them how to reach what you have already found. Your passion will feed a multitude who will eat of you and find their inner passion and thus the cycle will continue. But it must start with one man. One man who has the courage to stand in the mist of the crowded room and peel off the mask and let the true soul glow....it only takes one to start a revolution of change...
Friday, October 28, 2011
Purpose
I know it's been a minute, a few weeks in fact; to my regular followers I apologize. So much as happened between the last post and today. Sad times and glad times and all of it in between. Perusing through my past post, the thread of commonality remains super visible. In a round-about way, I seem always to be speaking about the power of the truth. The fact that many choose to deny the truth will never stop baffling me. I mean life could be better for everyone if we consciously examined and applied the truth. In an effort not to bore you I won't be directly speaking on the truth...you read that....directly!! Come on now, I gotta be me, right?
I have had some amazing teachers in my journey. Mrs. Russell, my 2nd grade teacher at Franklin sparked my initial interest in writing. That brown red and blue lined paper became my friend. My stories were short and horribly misspelled. When we didn't know how to spell a work correctly we were to take a small piece of paper up to her desk and ask her to spell it right for us. Yeah I didn't do that so much. Further evidence of my horrendous abilities came with the in class spelling bee!! Yep I was out the first round. But I wasn't too upset. I decided I would still write my stories misspelled and all.
3rd grade with Mrs. Sutton was nice! I was a semi big kid; at that time Franklin only went to the 4th grade. Timed math sheets in Mrs. Sutton's class was my thorn. The moment she said begin I was done. Pressure and I aren't good friends. I thought I knew my multiplication but the time math sheets bore no evidence of this fact. After awhile,I got better, not great but better. But I knew then math was NOT my subject---yeah might as well cross mathematian off my list of future careers!!
4th grade was a mixture of joy and pain. Mr. Warr was my teacher that year. He knew my mom and dad and I guess this fact added pressure to my success. Mr. Warr ensured I did my best on every assignment. One in particular, the I had a Dream Essay Writing Contest, I guess was his trying of my application of knowledge. Like my peers, I completed my essay with pride and turned it in. Mr. Warr looked it over and gave it back to me. You can do better he said. I rewrote that essay 3 or 4 times. The results of Mr. Warr insisting: I won the first place in the contest.
And there it was. The budding of my passion.
We can never say our purpose is eluding us. It may be buried within the busyness of our life, but it's there. There's something in your life that you love and would leave all just to have a small piece of it. Why not have it all?? Your passion is your purpose. It pleases every man's heart to follow that individual drum his ear only hears. Make no excuses to take the risk to follow that joy. You were created to follow it. You were birthed with that passion, allow it to grow. Feed it, nurture it, and allow it to manifest in your life.
I have had some amazing teachers in my journey. Mrs. Russell, my 2nd grade teacher at Franklin sparked my initial interest in writing. That brown red and blue lined paper became my friend. My stories were short and horribly misspelled. When we didn't know how to spell a work correctly we were to take a small piece of paper up to her desk and ask her to spell it right for us. Yeah I didn't do that so much. Further evidence of my horrendous abilities came with the in class spelling bee!! Yep I was out the first round. But I wasn't too upset. I decided I would still write my stories misspelled and all.
3rd grade with Mrs. Sutton was nice! I was a semi big kid; at that time Franklin only went to the 4th grade. Timed math sheets in Mrs. Sutton's class was my thorn. The moment she said begin I was done. Pressure and I aren't good friends. I thought I knew my multiplication but the time math sheets bore no evidence of this fact. After awhile,I got better, not great but better. But I knew then math was NOT my subject---yeah might as well cross mathematian off my list of future careers!!
4th grade was a mixture of joy and pain. Mr. Warr was my teacher that year. He knew my mom and dad and I guess this fact added pressure to my success. Mr. Warr ensured I did my best on every assignment. One in particular, the I had a Dream Essay Writing Contest, I guess was his trying of my application of knowledge. Like my peers, I completed my essay with pride and turned it in. Mr. Warr looked it over and gave it back to me. You can do better he said. I rewrote that essay 3 or 4 times. The results of Mr. Warr insisting: I won the first place in the contest.
And there it was. The budding of my passion.
We can never say our purpose is eluding us. It may be buried within the busyness of our life, but it's there. There's something in your life that you love and would leave all just to have a small piece of it. Why not have it all?? Your passion is your purpose. It pleases every man's heart to follow that individual drum his ear only hears. Make no excuses to take the risk to follow that joy. You were created to follow it. You were birthed with that passion, allow it to grow. Feed it, nurture it, and allow it to manifest in your life.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Dangerous Memories
I see this post as continuation of the previous three. They all were birthed in the same conversation. I guess I am still feeling relationshipy. And by right, I should. But I'll save those details for another day. I have more pressing matters, this post, to explore. Yet those details will make their way into this post in a manner of speaking.
One of my favorite artists is MJB. Yeah I have this fascination with her music and I always have. I own every record (yeah I just dated myself by saying record!! My family refers to all music as records. Movies as pictures. Motorcycles as bikes. A lie as a fib. Several other oddities exist, but I’ll stop here!!) she has released. Her music is so full of life's issues positive and negative. As an artist, she has allowed her listeners to see her life through her music. One song in particular, is most befitting for this post. Reminisce, from her debut album, What's the 411?. The chorus goes as follows:
Let's make the time tonight while the feelings right
Reminisce on the love we had
Let's make the time tonight while the feelings right
Reminisce on the love we had
Like I said, MJB my girl, but reminiscing is DANGEROUS!! If it is no longer together, it probably didn't work. Why try to recreate something that's broken? I'm going to take the leap and say there's most likely a great reason why you are not together in the present. Maybe you need to remind yourself of that fact first.
See the problem with these memories is that they can be ultra deceiving. Shallow memories of past loves tend to focus only on the blissful moments. It becomes Hollywood dreams: holding hands in the park, tender kisses, gentle stares, long stimulating talks, blah, blah, blah. You know good and well that only lasted for 2 months; the rest was restless frustrations. We tend to gloss over the heartaches we are still trying to recover from. Those hard memories tend to be buried in our forgetting allowing us to temporary desire the past. These memories are dangerous. We simply can't live here.
Really, you can't live in the past. All roads in the past have been deemed hazardous. The yellow's a pale unrecognizable muted white brick. It's overgrown, sprawled with thistles and thorns; it simply can't be navigated. Why risk your life for something you cannot change? We cannot continue to live our past. We cannot allow our past experiences to (1) define who we will become or (2) keep us bound.
Living in these memories keep you chained to a image that really doesn't reflect the person you truly are. Your present picture is blissful. Smell the cherry blossoms; bathe in the warm rays of the sun; love the change you are becoming. Baby your future is sooooo bright, you definitely gotta wear shades....
One of my favorite artists is MJB. Yeah I have this fascination with her music and I always have. I own every record (yeah I just dated myself by saying record!! My family refers to all music as records. Movies as pictures. Motorcycles as bikes. A lie as a fib. Several other oddities exist, but I’ll stop here!!) she has released. Her music is so full of life's issues positive and negative. As an artist, she has allowed her listeners to see her life through her music. One song in particular, is most befitting for this post. Reminisce, from her debut album, What's the 411?. The chorus goes as follows:
Let's make the time tonight while the feelings right
Reminisce on the love we had
Let's make the time tonight while the feelings right
Reminisce on the love we had
Like I said, MJB my girl, but reminiscing is DANGEROUS!! If it is no longer together, it probably didn't work. Why try to recreate something that's broken? I'm going to take the leap and say there's most likely a great reason why you are not together in the present. Maybe you need to remind yourself of that fact first.
See the problem with these memories is that they can be ultra deceiving. Shallow memories of past loves tend to focus only on the blissful moments. It becomes Hollywood dreams: holding hands in the park, tender kisses, gentle stares, long stimulating talks, blah, blah, blah. You know good and well that only lasted for 2 months; the rest was restless frustrations. We tend to gloss over the heartaches we are still trying to recover from. Those hard memories tend to be buried in our forgetting allowing us to temporary desire the past. These memories are dangerous. We simply can't live here.
Really, you can't live in the past. All roads in the past have been deemed hazardous. The yellow's a pale unrecognizable muted white brick. It's overgrown, sprawled with thistles and thorns; it simply can't be navigated. Why risk your life for something you cannot change? We cannot continue to live our past. We cannot allow our past experiences to (1) define who we will become or (2) keep us bound.
Living in these memories keep you chained to a image that really doesn't reflect the person you truly are. Your present picture is blissful. Smell the cherry blossoms; bathe in the warm rays of the sun; love the change you are becoming. Baby your future is sooooo bright, you definitely gotta wear shades....
Monday, September 19, 2011
The Little Bit...When Less Isn't More
I feel all relationshipy today so I thought I would continue another thought one of the the besties and I had. For some reason this bestie and I always talk about relationships. It could be either one of us don't have one at the moment, or I just love hearing all about her dating adventures. I mean she is a dater and her dates range the gamut--one dude who foams at the mouth?? One dude who brings his own coffee to Starbucks, so he orders a Venti hot water?? Yeah bestie has some pretty interesting stories. I could probably blog about her all day. Honesty I could. She always stops mid sentence and says, "oh Tiff you can blog about that." I laugh, but then open the memo app on my phone and swype the idea down quickly. This is one of those quickies...
We've been bamboozled. Somewhere in the exchange less has become better. The less money you have the more help you can get from a system intended to keep you in a system. The less clothes you wear the more exotic you feel and empowered you believe yourself to be. The less he gives, more you believe he loves. The less you hours and days we work, the more we desire. The less time we have, the more we fall away.
In all things, less by no means is more. Less is in fact, well, less. By definition the word less can be an adverb or an adjective which means it can add to the meaning of a verb or describe the degree of situation. But one thing both means have in common is the first definition: [to a] smaller extent, amount, degree. Less is small in amount and degree. We have accepted the small amount of thought as grand and the small about of degree as exceptional.
For instance, in a relationship is has become a common practice to accept less in all categories. The less can be applied to any part of the relationship: less attention, less time, less commitment, less personality, less values, less morals, less responsibilities, less, less, less. In common perception is less is better than none. Yet what one fails to realize that the less is none because all of the lesses (yeah I made up a word--I can do that!!) still never make up one. It is impossible to have 1/3 of anything and still be considered complete. No, it's not done; it's not whole. It's not one. You can't add particles to get a crumb and why in the world would you want just a crumb? I'm baffled.
Honesty, life is more than piecing crumbs together to make a meal. When funds are in between and groceries low, this is MORE than acceptable. But when you are dating and looking for something everlasting, an erroneous grievance has taken place. Even in your temporal pleasures, which we all grow out of, be honest, you don't what a piece of a anything. You most likely wanted the whole but gave in to the less just to be able to say you had a small portion, i.e. less. No one is every completely happy in a temporary situation because it was not made to be permanent. It was never intended for you to capitalize on that moment and grow roots. It can by as a, as my girl Queen says, this ain't what you want, situation--walk away!! Every person on our path is not meant to be our travel companion. Say hello and keep walking.
The norm has become the acceptance of less because we don't want enough anymore. It used to be that if we couldn't have it all we would walk away, worth and value still in tack. But now we cling to less. Devalued, broken, and completely lying to ourselves.
The gig is up. The cover is blown. Until I have more, I want nothing at all...
We've been bamboozled. Somewhere in the exchange less has become better. The less money you have the more help you can get from a system intended to keep you in a system. The less clothes you wear the more exotic you feel and empowered you believe yourself to be. The less he gives, more you believe he loves. The less you hours and days we work, the more we desire. The less time we have, the more we fall away.
In all things, less by no means is more. Less is in fact, well, less. By definition the word less can be an adverb or an adjective which means it can add to the meaning of a verb or describe the degree of situation. But one thing both means have in common is the first definition: [to a] smaller extent, amount, degree. Less is small in amount and degree. We have accepted the small amount of thought as grand and the small about of degree as exceptional.
For instance, in a relationship is has become a common practice to accept less in all categories. The less can be applied to any part of the relationship: less attention, less time, less commitment, less personality, less values, less morals, less responsibilities, less, less, less. In common perception is less is better than none. Yet what one fails to realize that the less is none because all of the lesses (yeah I made up a word--I can do that!!) still never make up one. It is impossible to have 1/3 of anything and still be considered complete. No, it's not done; it's not whole. It's not one. You can't add particles to get a crumb and why in the world would you want just a crumb? I'm baffled.
Honesty, life is more than piecing crumbs together to make a meal. When funds are in between and groceries low, this is MORE than acceptable. But when you are dating and looking for something everlasting, an erroneous grievance has taken place. Even in your temporal pleasures, which we all grow out of, be honest, you don't what a piece of a anything. You most likely wanted the whole but gave in to the less just to be able to say you had a small portion, i.e. less. No one is every completely happy in a temporary situation because it was not made to be permanent. It was never intended for you to capitalize on that moment and grow roots. It can by as a, as my girl Queen says, this ain't what you want, situation--walk away!! Every person on our path is not meant to be our travel companion. Say hello and keep walking.
The norm has become the acceptance of less because we don't want enough anymore. It used to be that if we couldn't have it all we would walk away, worth and value still in tack. But now we cling to less. Devalued, broken, and completely lying to ourselves.
The gig is up. The cover is blown. Until I have more, I want nothing at all...
Sunday, September 18, 2011
The Soldier Knows the Battle of the Heart is Not Easily Won...
In light of my last post, I gotta come clean. This will probably be the most personal blog I will every post. I had a near 2 hour conversation with one of the besties last night and it was so enlightening. Through discourse, I discovered I was lying to myself. So here's the story:
I have this amazing guy friend, "N." When I say amazing, I mean amazing. (They say if you say it twice it's really true!!) He's the first guy that I can have a serious no holds bar dialogue with. I mean we don't hold back; if it's happening, it's fair conversation. He understands and challenges my complexities and then constantly reminds me I deserve more than I sometimes allow myself to believe. My list of loves about N are quite lengthy: his intelligence, genuine care, confidence, and importantly how and loves and cares for his daughters are just a few. It's almost like I have been waiting for this friendship my whole life. The connection is not simple; it's more. Yes more. Anything that you can think of in a friendship add more and you got N. Of course with the more he is the more I want to know about him. He's super onion--gotta peel those layers back delicately.
As I spilled all this info to the bestie her attentive ears hear what I couldn't. That's the thing about a lie; sometimes it takes the vision of others to see. As it is said, "the eye cannot see itself but by some means of reflection." She was my reflection. My truth. Maybe I have more feelings for N than I allow myself to see. As bestie puts it, I prefer to take the limit of friendship rather than take the potential risk of relationship. I'm comfortable in the friendship zone. I chose to keep my "other" feelings in the other column. I prefer to keep the friend. I don't want to label this and gain a loss. But bestie says if I take the risk and it doesn't work then I deserve the right to release and move on to make myself available to opportunities.
Now my heart isn't naive. I know the chemistry is mutual, the extent, I'm not sure. But sly tongues in conversation has revealed the heart's intent. But will it ever be? Do I honestly want to lose N with because of a label? How come I can't keep the imaginary line in the sky and stay on this side? I am by no means waiting for N to make the transition, as well I am not pushing the transition. I believe in the natural progression of things. It may happen, it may not. The question thus becomes will I wait and see??
The probability of N reading this blog is beyond the 90th percentile, but honestly I don't think I'm revealing anything he doesn't already know...
I have this amazing guy friend, "N." When I say amazing, I mean amazing. (They say if you say it twice it's really true!!) He's the first guy that I can have a serious no holds bar dialogue with. I mean we don't hold back; if it's happening, it's fair conversation. He understands and challenges my complexities and then constantly reminds me I deserve more than I sometimes allow myself to believe. My list of loves about N are quite lengthy: his intelligence, genuine care, confidence, and importantly how and loves and cares for his daughters are just a few. It's almost like I have been waiting for this friendship my whole life. The connection is not simple; it's more. Yes more. Anything that you can think of in a friendship add more and you got N. Of course with the more he is the more I want to know about him. He's super onion--gotta peel those layers back delicately.
As I spilled all this info to the bestie her attentive ears hear what I couldn't. That's the thing about a lie; sometimes it takes the vision of others to see. As it is said, "the eye cannot see itself but by some means of reflection." She was my reflection. My truth. Maybe I have more feelings for N than I allow myself to see. As bestie puts it, I prefer to take the limit of friendship rather than take the potential risk of relationship. I'm comfortable in the friendship zone. I chose to keep my "other" feelings in the other column. I prefer to keep the friend. I don't want to label this and gain a loss. But bestie says if I take the risk and it doesn't work then I deserve the right to release and move on to make myself available to opportunities.
Now my heart isn't naive. I know the chemistry is mutual, the extent, I'm not sure. But sly tongues in conversation has revealed the heart's intent. But will it ever be? Do I honestly want to lose N with because of a label? How come I can't keep the imaginary line in the sky and stay on this side? I am by no means waiting for N to make the transition, as well I am not pushing the transition. I believe in the natural progression of things. It may happen, it may not. The question thus becomes will I wait and see??
The probability of N reading this blog is beyond the 90th percentile, but honestly I don't think I'm revealing anything he doesn't already know...
Saturday, September 17, 2011
The WORST Lie
So wrong is wrong. Really there are no degrees of wrong. Just like a lie. A lie is a lie. No matter how you spin it, or where you tell it; a lie is a lie. But you wanna know the worst lie you can EVER tell? Drum roll please....the worst lie you can ever tell is to yourself. Yep that's the monstrous fault. No matter what it is you are lying to yourself about--your weight, height, social status, emotions, etc, lying to yourself is absolutely the danger zone.
The moment you have to lie to yourself in order to justify your actions or the lack there of, you have alienated all truth. I know you hear me speak on truth often, but it is a major principle missing in the heart of the 21st century. Understand the truth exists despite one's refusal to accept it; it's always there waiting for your arrival. We have adapted to justification of lies as the new black. We are without a doubt excuseless in our negative actions because of the power of choice. We have the ability to choose this day whom we shall be and become. It's all a matter of choice.
The power of choice is the common denominator of human kind. Despite our background; rich, poor, brown, cream, short, tall, round, slim..we all have choice. The moment we justify lies or negative actions we disseminate the power of truth. It becomes hidden and hard to find. It fades from the eyes, shaded by slime; the buildup of lies. It becomes like searching for new pennies in the mud; you can't see it, you may know it my touch, but you aren't quite sure.
Like any negativity, the magnetic force of lies grows and draws other lies near. In other words, when you tell one, you gotta tell another. Lying is the fastest way to ruin any relationship. And when we lie to self, we create a disconnect within. You sense of reality, of possibility, and as earlier mentioned truth. Your confidence becomes this false sense of reality only stroked by lies. You become depend on the false to create what you believe to be the truth. I know it sounds like I'm talking in circles, but that's what a lie does--move in circles making NO forward progression. Caution--major, major danger!!! Life is meant to go to a destiny. It is impossible to reach destiny if you are lying to you.
I'll be the first to admit my faults. I don't make 100 everyday--some days it's a good 90 others times I range in the 75%..hey I'm being honest. That's the beauty of life. Folks love you when they can see you...and surprisingly you can love yourself greater when you can see you too.
The moment you have to lie to yourself in order to justify your actions or the lack there of, you have alienated all truth. I know you hear me speak on truth often, but it is a major principle missing in the heart of the 21st century. Understand the truth exists despite one's refusal to accept it; it's always there waiting for your arrival. We have adapted to justification of lies as the new black. We are without a doubt excuseless in our negative actions because of the power of choice. We have the ability to choose this day whom we shall be and become. It's all a matter of choice.
The power of choice is the common denominator of human kind. Despite our background; rich, poor, brown, cream, short, tall, round, slim..we all have choice. The moment we justify lies or negative actions we disseminate the power of truth. It becomes hidden and hard to find. It fades from the eyes, shaded by slime; the buildup of lies. It becomes like searching for new pennies in the mud; you can't see it, you may know it my touch, but you aren't quite sure.
Like any negativity, the magnetic force of lies grows and draws other lies near. In other words, when you tell one, you gotta tell another. Lying is the fastest way to ruin any relationship. And when we lie to self, we create a disconnect within. You sense of reality, of possibility, and as earlier mentioned truth. Your confidence becomes this false sense of reality only stroked by lies. You become depend on the false to create what you believe to be the truth. I know it sounds like I'm talking in circles, but that's what a lie does--move in circles making NO forward progression. Caution--major, major danger!!! Life is meant to go to a destiny. It is impossible to reach destiny if you are lying to you.
I'll be the first to admit my faults. I don't make 100 everyday--some days it's a good 90 others times I range in the 75%..hey I'm being honest. That's the beauty of life. Folks love you when they can see you...and surprisingly you can love yourself greater when you can see you too.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Dating The Real You
I had an interesting conversation on yahoo IM with a friend today. She asked a random question in the middle of a dialogue about actively reading. The question was something to this effect: "Is is okay to order endless shrimp on the first date?" At first I was prepared with my polite statement.."ummm I don't think that's a good idea.." But then I then I realized why fake the funk??
Seriously think about it, why create an appearance you have NO desire to keep up??? I don't know about you, but my time is precious and I have no desire to add extra work into my already crowded schedule. I mean I don't see the point of endless shrimp anyway! One meal is plenty, but that's not the point of this post.
I know there are people under the impression that you must put your best foot forward in the dating world. I'm sure there're specific guidelines of dating that I am breaking, but oh well. If you want fantasy try another blog! I'm under the impression you have got to be yourself. Maybe that's why I haven't had the best of luck in the dating world! But why go through the hoops to make a impression that is false? I have no desire to wake up in the morning to meet a new person after the newness has worn thin and off when that new person can be himself from the beginning.
In all my learning one of the things I value the most is how I have learned to me. Maybe that's why I'm single. I refuse to be anyone else than the real me. The me with the good, the ugly and the in between!! I'll just stay here and be the real me, even if I means I walk alone for awhile.
Seriously think about it, why create an appearance you have NO desire to keep up??? I don't know about you, but my time is precious and I have no desire to add extra work into my already crowded schedule. I mean I don't see the point of endless shrimp anyway! One meal is plenty, but that's not the point of this post.
I know there are people under the impression that you must put your best foot forward in the dating world. I'm sure there're specific guidelines of dating that I am breaking, but oh well. If you want fantasy try another blog! I'm under the impression you have got to be yourself. Maybe that's why I haven't had the best of luck in the dating world! But why go through the hoops to make a impression that is false? I have no desire to wake up in the morning to meet a new person after the newness has worn thin and off when that new person can be himself from the beginning.
In all my learning one of the things I value the most is how I have learned to me. Maybe that's why I'm single. I refuse to be anyone else than the real me. The me with the good, the ugly and the in between!! I'll just stay here and be the real me, even if I means I walk alone for awhile.
Friday, September 2, 2011
My Daddy
At the beginning of month my mother and I drove to ATL to visit my dad. I was excited to see him, but not that excited to visit ATL in August! Maneee Georgia in August is a heat box. The sun burns through the skin with vengeance!!! But my daddy is worth it all.
I wish I could say that my relationship with my dad has been the greatest, but truth be told it has had its share of valley experiences. My dad moved to Georgia when I was about 6 yrs old. I rarely saw him. Throughout my childhood I wondered why I wasn't like other kids who had dads. It was something my young mind couldn't understand. It was like as I grew the concept of a dad grew further away from me. I saw and heard less of him and of his side of the family. I wondered why no one ever cared about the great things I did in school. You know the moment in 4th grade when you won the essay writing contest and you look in the crowd hoping to see more than just your mom's bright loving smile. You know the moment at graduation 8th grade, high school, when you look in the group for a familiar old face only to be disappointed--he wasn't there. My mom and siblings were the only people who showed up at my high school graduation. That night I truly cried like I had never cried before. It was almost a confirmation of my loneliness. I clearly remember I was supposed to go to my friend's graduation party that night, but I didn't go--why--because I couldn't stomach her happiness. Her entire family was there supporting her and mines couldn't even pretend to care.
Yep that's how I felt and it has taken me years to heal and hear. Hear the truth of the matter and accept the consequences of life choices. The truth is, I can't blame. My dad made his choices at that moment and so did I BUT I have the choice not the stay in that place of hurt and angry if I so choose. I cannot grow in one aspect of my life and be dead in the other. Impossible. To grow meant I had to reach out to my dad with a clear and willing heart open to love in spite of, yes in spite of. The hardest thing to do is to love someone for who they really are, not who you want them to be.
Of course I wanted my dad to be dad in my life, but it at that moment he couldn't I still had to love him. And I do. I love my daddy. I won't replace him for the world. I take it all, because all if has gotten us to this wonderful place we are today. We have a loving, growing relationship. I try to make it to Georgia at least once a year to see him. We both look forward to those moments. We talk on the phone at least once a week and never end a conversation without saying I love you. The beginning was rough, the middle mushy, but the right now is amazing! I'm 31 yrs old and head over heels for my daddy.
I have new memories to replace the old....driving 45 mins. to This is it! just for some of their amazing bbq chicken and peach cobbler only to get lost on the way back because Dad fell asleep while I was driving!!! He keep telling me to drive straight...I just laughed when he woke up and we both had NO clue where we were!! Me telling Dad I was going to go out with my cousins and him look at me with sad eyes...I called my cousins to tell them I changed my mind...I was staying home with Dad tonight. Me telling him I wouldn't be able to make it to Georgia this summer. He said he understood and that he loved me. A day later I was ringing his doorbell. He answered the door with the biggest grin on his face I had ever seen. He was speechless with excitement and frankly so was I.
I wish I could say that my relationship with my dad has been the greatest, but truth be told it has had its share of valley experiences. My dad moved to Georgia when I was about 6 yrs old. I rarely saw him. Throughout my childhood I wondered why I wasn't like other kids who had dads. It was something my young mind couldn't understand. It was like as I grew the concept of a dad grew further away from me. I saw and heard less of him and of his side of the family. I wondered why no one ever cared about the great things I did in school. You know the moment in 4th grade when you won the essay writing contest and you look in the crowd hoping to see more than just your mom's bright loving smile. You know the moment at graduation 8th grade, high school, when you look in the group for a familiar old face only to be disappointed--he wasn't there. My mom and siblings were the only people who showed up at my high school graduation. That night I truly cried like I had never cried before. It was almost a confirmation of my loneliness. I clearly remember I was supposed to go to my friend's graduation party that night, but I didn't go--why--because I couldn't stomach her happiness. Her entire family was there supporting her and mines couldn't even pretend to care.
Yep that's how I felt and it has taken me years to heal and hear. Hear the truth of the matter and accept the consequences of life choices. The truth is, I can't blame. My dad made his choices at that moment and so did I BUT I have the choice not the stay in that place of hurt and angry if I so choose. I cannot grow in one aspect of my life and be dead in the other. Impossible. To grow meant I had to reach out to my dad with a clear and willing heart open to love in spite of, yes in spite of. The hardest thing to do is to love someone for who they really are, not who you want them to be.
Of course I wanted my dad to be dad in my life, but it at that moment he couldn't I still had to love him. And I do. I love my daddy. I won't replace him for the world. I take it all, because all if has gotten us to this wonderful place we are today. We have a loving, growing relationship. I try to make it to Georgia at least once a year to see him. We both look forward to those moments. We talk on the phone at least once a week and never end a conversation without saying I love you. The beginning was rough, the middle mushy, but the right now is amazing! I'm 31 yrs old and head over heels for my daddy.
I have new memories to replace the old....driving 45 mins. to This is it! just for some of their amazing bbq chicken and peach cobbler only to get lost on the way back because Dad fell asleep while I was driving!!! He keep telling me to drive straight...I just laughed when he woke up and we both had NO clue where we were!! Me telling Dad I was going to go out with my cousins and him look at me with sad eyes...I called my cousins to tell them I changed my mind...I was staying home with Dad tonight. Me telling him I wouldn't be able to make it to Georgia this summer. He said he understood and that he loved me. A day later I was ringing his doorbell. He answered the door with the biggest grin on his face I had ever seen. He was speechless with excitement and frankly so was I.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Golden Nuggets
So I think that everybody is crazy, but me. Yeah I'm on this one man island trying to understand why the heck I am so different. I never really had friends when I was younger; I've always been a loner. The few friends I did have are still a part of my life today. But even with friends I feel alone. Nobody understands the out lavish sane thoughts that run through my head. I know I have such a deep connection with God it would scare most folks. Maybe that's it; I have scared them away. So I thought I would share some small nuggets of my radical sanity:
1. You don't have haters. Really you don't. Jealousy is a live action, but most folks don't have haters. If more than three people are saying the same thing about you, it's call TRUTH! Try the words by your actions. If five people say you are mean, I bet you are mean. So stop calling them haters and change your nasty attitude.
2. Some things are really that simple. Honestly they are. Temptation can be resisted; it's a matter of choice behavior. Yeah you decided you were going to flirt with ol boy and you know he was married--oops did I just say that??
3. The truth works. It's like that peroxide your mom used to pour on that cut on your knee. Sure it stung when she poured it on for like 3 seconds, but then you were okay. The truth has the ability to clean deep wounds and hurts. Try it.
4. Phoniness is a chore! I don't have time to keep up appearances. Like a girdle, you gotta breathe easy at some point in it. Just let it out. If you don't like so and so just stay away from her until you can be nice without it being laborious. Be polite because you want to NOT because you think you have it. I can't say it enough--try the TRUTH.
5. I'm a liberal conservative. Paradox, huh? See my mind is a constant machine of perplexing thoughts. For example, I LOVE my tatoos, but I must keep them covered in specific places like church, work, etc. I believe all people deserve respect and love, but....(yeah I'm going to keep that fire starter to myself)
6. I know I'm smart. Yep. Not just book start either. I have a thirst for knowledge that is un quenching. When I learn I always want more. But with all my smarts, I can make some dumb choices. In the end I learn from them, but I hate that I gotta wait tell the end to come to the knowledge of my error. But these choices, even the dumb ones have taught me major lessons. Yet I still hold some reserve about the dumb choices.
7. I have learned to love unconditionally. There's no secret, no magic pill. You just do. You let go of everything that you have been holding on too and just love with no limits. So what people act a fool, love anyway. So what dude cheated on you, love anyway. I am in no way advocating for you to do foolish things; listen to your heart, it knows right from wrong. All I am saying is that you must give love a chance. You don't have the power to change anyone; only God can do that. So don't take the burden. Just let love live within you.
8. Every day I miss my brother more and more. I don't know if I will ever stop missing him. I look at my niece and nephew and know my brother will never have the opportunity to raise his children. I really miss him and I know they miss him more. You never know how important the human voice is until you no longer hear it.
Oh and by the way, I know everybody ain't crazy....really it's just me.
1. You don't have haters. Really you don't. Jealousy is a live action, but most folks don't have haters. If more than three people are saying the same thing about you, it's call TRUTH! Try the words by your actions. If five people say you are mean, I bet you are mean. So stop calling them haters and change your nasty attitude.
2. Some things are really that simple. Honestly they are. Temptation can be resisted; it's a matter of choice behavior. Yeah you decided you were going to flirt with ol boy and you know he was married--oops did I just say that??
3. The truth works. It's like that peroxide your mom used to pour on that cut on your knee. Sure it stung when she poured it on for like 3 seconds, but then you were okay. The truth has the ability to clean deep wounds and hurts. Try it.
4. Phoniness is a chore! I don't have time to keep up appearances. Like a girdle, you gotta breathe easy at some point in it. Just let it out. If you don't like so and so just stay away from her until you can be nice without it being laborious. Be polite because you want to NOT because you think you have it. I can't say it enough--try the TRUTH.
5. I'm a liberal conservative. Paradox, huh? See my mind is a constant machine of perplexing thoughts. For example, I LOVE my tatoos, but I must keep them covered in specific places like church, work, etc. I believe all people deserve respect and love, but....(yeah I'm going to keep that fire starter to myself)
6. I know I'm smart. Yep. Not just book start either. I have a thirst for knowledge that is un quenching. When I learn I always want more. But with all my smarts, I can make some dumb choices. In the end I learn from them, but I hate that I gotta wait tell the end to come to the knowledge of my error. But these choices, even the dumb ones have taught me major lessons. Yet I still hold some reserve about the dumb choices.
7. I have learned to love unconditionally. There's no secret, no magic pill. You just do. You let go of everything that you have been holding on too and just love with no limits. So what people act a fool, love anyway. So what dude cheated on you, love anyway. I am in no way advocating for you to do foolish things; listen to your heart, it knows right from wrong. All I am saying is that you must give love a chance. You don't have the power to change anyone; only God can do that. So don't take the burden. Just let love live within you.
8. Every day I miss my brother more and more. I don't know if I will ever stop missing him. I look at my niece and nephew and know my brother will never have the opportunity to raise his children. I really miss him and I know they miss him more. You never know how important the human voice is until you no longer hear it.
Oh and by the way, I know everybody ain't crazy....really it's just me.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
I Wish I Was a Little Bit Taller
When I was younger, my brother loved that song I Wish by Skee-lo. You remember Skee-lo, little short yellow dude. If you don't remember him, def google or you-tube him to bring back those great 90's memories! So dude wanted to be a baller, you know like Mike. But what little boy didn't back when Mike of was in the peak of his career? I know my brother Taurus was CRAZY about Mike. Back to back championships, movies (Space Jam), and sneakers that EVERYONE had to have and still want! Every kid wanted to pick up a basketball to find his/her hoop dream. So where am I going with this one--well somehow that baller dream has morphed in being a rapper--yes a rapper. Why is it that, now I must be careful with my wording here, so many young men from ages 15 to 35 (yes I have met grown men who are full time rappers with no full time or part time job)want to be a rapper? I absolutely have no problem with the art form; in fact, I am a die hard Rick Ross fan. (I know, hard to believe, right?? I would spit some lyrics right now off the top of the dome, but I'll save it for another post!! LOL) But honestly, what happened to our dreams? I am in a bewildered state.
Something has gone wrong from fantasy to reality. Education is thought of as nonessential and everything in one's wildest imagination is seen as possible. Sure I wish I could sing and dance like Beyonce'(not really but that's the first comparison that popped into my head!!), but the reality is that I AM NOT B. You are not Lil Wayne, or any other high profile rapper nor should it be your dream to be. We have been living in the fantasy world of entertainment as priority when it is not intended to be that way. Entertainment's purpose in our lives is meant to be an option when availible not for you to blow your dreams and money on.
We don't teach our babies to dream anymore. We push them to excell in sports because we played star runningback from jfl to highschool or made the final shot for the state championship senior year. But we don't push them to read any and evey book they can get their hands on. We don't feed their love of learning when they are young. We tell them it's okay if you don't like school, just play basketball and do kinda okay in school so you can get a scholarship then leave college early so you can declare draft for the NBA. Did you know a black man has a greater chance of being struck by lightning than being in the NBA???
I in no way doubt the talent and skills of those who have made a career in the world of entertainment, but even entertainers know the field is a shark tank. The smart ones invest--Serena and Venus are minority owners of the Miami Dolphins not to mention their numerous investments in fashion. Jay-Z built his empire beyond rap--the Nets, Rocawear, etc. The point is that they used their public persona as a platform to attain their dreams. I'm sure along the way they educated themselves to make informed decisions.
BUT this is a minority in the universe. Others must take a less public profile to reach our dreams. It is NOTHING wrong with working and dreaming. In fact I work two jobs and then work on dream. I know it, my dream, will make room for me. I am quite positive it will come to fruition in due time. We must, we must teach our children to dream. Dream to be lawyers, doctors, teachers, engineers, therapist, inventors, dentist, etc. We must expose them to the possibilies beyond television, beyond popular entertainment. Teach them to influence the world by expanding their brains through education. High school is not enough. They must attend college and/or trade school. They must dream without limitations.
Our failure to teach other children to dream is a blatant disrespect to the many souls who willingly gave their lives so we COULD dream a reality.
Something has gone wrong from fantasy to reality. Education is thought of as nonessential and everything in one's wildest imagination is seen as possible. Sure I wish I could sing and dance like Beyonce'(not really but that's the first comparison that popped into my head!!), but the reality is that I AM NOT B. You are not Lil Wayne, or any other high profile rapper nor should it be your dream to be. We have been living in the fantasy world of entertainment as priority when it is not intended to be that way. Entertainment's purpose in our lives is meant to be an option when availible not for you to blow your dreams and money on.
We don't teach our babies to dream anymore. We push them to excell in sports because we played star runningback from jfl to highschool or made the final shot for the state championship senior year. But we don't push them to read any and evey book they can get their hands on. We don't feed their love of learning when they are young. We tell them it's okay if you don't like school, just play basketball and do kinda okay in school so you can get a scholarship then leave college early so you can declare draft for the NBA. Did you know a black man has a greater chance of being struck by lightning than being in the NBA???
I in no way doubt the talent and skills of those who have made a career in the world of entertainment, but even entertainers know the field is a shark tank. The smart ones invest--Serena and Venus are minority owners of the Miami Dolphins not to mention their numerous investments in fashion. Jay-Z built his empire beyond rap--the Nets, Rocawear, etc. The point is that they used their public persona as a platform to attain their dreams. I'm sure along the way they educated themselves to make informed decisions.
BUT this is a minority in the universe. Others must take a less public profile to reach our dreams. It is NOTHING wrong with working and dreaming. In fact I work two jobs and then work on dream. I know it, my dream, will make room for me. I am quite positive it will come to fruition in due time. We must, we must teach our children to dream. Dream to be lawyers, doctors, teachers, engineers, therapist, inventors, dentist, etc. We must expose them to the possibilies beyond television, beyond popular entertainment. Teach them to influence the world by expanding their brains through education. High school is not enough. They must attend college and/or trade school. They must dream without limitations.
Our failure to teach other children to dream is a blatant disrespect to the many souls who willingly gave their lives so we COULD dream a reality.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Tiffany Nicole, MD
I loved the young Neil Patrick Harris in the budding medical drama Doogie Howser, MD. He was the child prodigy who tried to balance teen life and being a doctor. I don't know what it is about the show I loved, but I think the geek in me loved the idea of a kid having all the answers. Reminscing now, I see the errors of my young and innocent thought process. By no means do I want to know all the answers.
Sounds suspect, huh. But I'm being completely truthful. I don't want to know all the answers, I can see the temporal gladness knowing all the answers could bring.
Some many of my answers in life came from the very few, let me quit lying, the SEVERAL mistakes I have made along the way. It is by error I have learned the vaue of love and truth and life. Imagine if we knew all things at all times? Boy, no more surprise birthday parties! But seriously knowing all would be no more living. The great part of life is trust and trust takes risks, blind risks at that. That risk creates faith. That faith reassures us great benefits.
By no means am I encourging ignorance, infact it's quite the opposite. The search for truth and knowledge goes beyond just finding the answers and being a know-it-all. A part of knowledge is knowing timing. We must stop trying to diagnose it all. We must live in the sometime uncertainity that truth and love IS certain to appear and perform in its full capacity in its due time. Through a recent conversation with my Uncle Jeff I recieved these exact words.. "God made us human beings not human doers...stop doing and just be." Be the man or woman you are to be. Stop searcing for the answers to be and just be. I am no longer in fascination with finding all the answers; I am more focused on living to be the answer.
Sounds suspect, huh. But I'm being completely truthful. I don't want to know all the answers, I can see the temporal gladness knowing all the answers could bring.
Some many of my answers in life came from the very few, let me quit lying, the SEVERAL mistakes I have made along the way. It is by error I have learned the vaue of love and truth and life. Imagine if we knew all things at all times? Boy, no more surprise birthday parties! But seriously knowing all would be no more living. The great part of life is trust and trust takes risks, blind risks at that. That risk creates faith. That faith reassures us great benefits.
By no means am I encourging ignorance, infact it's quite the opposite. The search for truth and knowledge goes beyond just finding the answers and being a know-it-all. A part of knowledge is knowing timing. We must stop trying to diagnose it all. We must live in the sometime uncertainity that truth and love IS certain to appear and perform in its full capacity in its due time. Through a recent conversation with my Uncle Jeff I recieved these exact words.. "God made us human beings not human doers...stop doing and just be." Be the man or woman you are to be. Stop searcing for the answers to be and just be. I am no longer in fascination with finding all the answers; I am more focused on living to be the answer.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Rebellion
The 15th of July holds so many memories for me: my mom's birthday, my granny's birthday, my cousin's birthday and they day my brother was killed. This year my mom and I attended a gathering at my granny's. I so enjoyed myself, gotta love the family. Some how or another the discussion of my blog came up and one of my aunts asked me what it was called. I told her and she asked me if I was a rebel. Without a shadow of doubt I told her absolutely! In fact, I told her I break all the rules, aren't we supposed to??
I know, I know. Many of you are going to the extreme and immediately ponder the plethora of illegal activites I could be involved in...but take a small step back and change directions for a moment. Let's explore this concept of rebellion before you have me serving 15 to life for running an underground cocaine cartel!
By defintion rebellion is a noun, which means it is a "thing" which means resistance to authority or control or tradition. The form of this authority, control, or tradition could be several other nouns--parents, governments, ideals, the "norm," society, etc. So a rebel would be one who resists authority, control, or tradition. We tend to think of rebellion in a negative shade, but not I.
In its pure state we should all be rebels. Damn the MAN, whatever form of resistance he may take. Within us all we should desire the pursuit of truth. And to pursue the truth requires that we do the unpopular. Angela Davis says it best, "We all know the road to freedom is stalked by death." An injustice must die in order to make the truth more visible. Notice I said more visible. The truth always exists and needs no help to do so. But, it can be blurred by an injustice. So eradicating the injustice with allow the glow of truth to be seen from see to shining sea.
The heart of my rebellion is in the eradicating. I refuse to be quiet. When I have the urge to speak, I will do so, no matter who I am speaking to. I will rock boat, stir the pot, push the envelope,and etc. Why? Because we have allowed ourselves to be believe the lie that silence is golden in all situations. We sit back, fall into a mundane routine, complain of the woes of the world and do nothing. We care only for "our four and no more." We are miserbly happy--impossible, right? Nawww it's possible! We are happy because we have arrived to a position we believe is enough for mediocore survival and vacation. Our families are happy, healthy, and provided for yet our local communities are suffering. But we say, "it's not my fault. They had the same opportunities as I did." That's misery. When we can't help our brothers and sisters, that's misery. Not taking an active stand is defeat and misery. We willingly follow a system created to isolated and destroy.
We were created to fight for the truth at all cost. And I proudly take that honor.
Ok, yeah, alright...
I find it hard to say, that everything is alright
Don't look at me that way, like everything is alright
Cuz my own eyes can see, through all your false pretenses
But what you fail to see, is all the consequences
You think our lives are cheap, and easy to be wasted
As history repeats, so foul you can taste it
And while the people sleep, too comfortable to face it
His life so incomplete, and nothing can replace it
And while the people sleep, too comfortable to face it
Your lives so incomplete, and nothing can replace it
Fret not thyself I say, against these laws of man
Cuz like the Bible says, His blood is on their hands
And what I gotta say, and what I gotta say, is rebel
While today is still today, choose well
And what I gotta say, is rebel, it can't go down this way
Choose well, choose well, choose well...
...choose well, choose well, choose well
And while the people sleep, too comfortable to face it
Your lives are so incomplete, and nothing, and no one, can replace it
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
And what I gotta say, and what I gotta say
And what I gotta say, and what I gotta say
And what I gotta say, and what I gotta say
And what I gotta say, and what I gotta say
Is rebel... rebel, rebel, rebel, rebel, rebel, rebel
Rebel, rebel, rebel, rebel, rebel
Repent, the day is far too spent, rebel... rebel!
Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up...
Wake up and rebel
We must destroy in order to rebuild
Wake up, you might as well
Oh are you... oh are you satisfied
Oh are you satisfied
Rebel... ohhh rebel
Why don't you rebel, why don't you rebel?
Why don't you rebel?
Lauryn Hill, MTV Unplugged
I know, I know. Many of you are going to the extreme and immediately ponder the plethora of illegal activites I could be involved in...but take a small step back and change directions for a moment. Let's explore this concept of rebellion before you have me serving 15 to life for running an underground cocaine cartel!
By defintion rebellion is a noun, which means it is a "thing" which means resistance to authority or control or tradition. The form of this authority, control, or tradition could be several other nouns--parents, governments, ideals, the "norm," society, etc. So a rebel would be one who resists authority, control, or tradition. We tend to think of rebellion in a negative shade, but not I.
In its pure state we should all be rebels. Damn the MAN, whatever form of resistance he may take. Within us all we should desire the pursuit of truth. And to pursue the truth requires that we do the unpopular. Angela Davis says it best, "We all know the road to freedom is stalked by death." An injustice must die in order to make the truth more visible. Notice I said more visible. The truth always exists and needs no help to do so. But, it can be blurred by an injustice. So eradicating the injustice with allow the glow of truth to be seen from see to shining sea.
The heart of my rebellion is in the eradicating. I refuse to be quiet. When I have the urge to speak, I will do so, no matter who I am speaking to. I will rock boat, stir the pot, push the envelope,and etc. Why? Because we have allowed ourselves to be believe the lie that silence is golden in all situations. We sit back, fall into a mundane routine, complain of the woes of the world and do nothing. We care only for "our four and no more." We are miserbly happy--impossible, right? Nawww it's possible! We are happy because we have arrived to a position we believe is enough for mediocore survival and vacation. Our families are happy, healthy, and provided for yet our local communities are suffering. But we say, "it's not my fault. They had the same opportunities as I did." That's misery. When we can't help our brothers and sisters, that's misery. Not taking an active stand is defeat and misery. We willingly follow a system created to isolated and destroy.
We were created to fight for the truth at all cost. And I proudly take that honor.
Ok, yeah, alright...
I find it hard to say, that everything is alright
Don't look at me that way, like everything is alright
Cuz my own eyes can see, through all your false pretenses
But what you fail to see, is all the consequences
You think our lives are cheap, and easy to be wasted
As history repeats, so foul you can taste it
And while the people sleep, too comfortable to face it
His life so incomplete, and nothing can replace it
And while the people sleep, too comfortable to face it
Your lives so incomplete, and nothing can replace it
Fret not thyself I say, against these laws of man
Cuz like the Bible says, His blood is on their hands
And what I gotta say, and what I gotta say, is rebel
While today is still today, choose well
And what I gotta say, is rebel, it can't go down this way
Choose well, choose well, choose well...
...choose well, choose well, choose well
And while the people sleep, too comfortable to face it
Your lives are so incomplete, and nothing, and no one, can replace it
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
And what I gotta say, and what I gotta say
And what I gotta say, and what I gotta say
And what I gotta say, and what I gotta say
And what I gotta say, and what I gotta say
Is rebel... rebel, rebel, rebel, rebel, rebel, rebel
Rebel, rebel, rebel, rebel, rebel
Repent, the day is far too spent, rebel... rebel!
Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up...
Wake up and rebel
We must destroy in order to rebuild
Wake up, you might as well
Oh are you... oh are you satisfied
Oh are you satisfied
Rebel... ohhh rebel
Why don't you rebel, why don't you rebel?
Why don't you rebel?
Lauryn Hill, MTV Unplugged
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