Sunday, May 27, 2012

Unexpected Places

It is in the unexpected that we learn the most. Yesterday was a true testiment to that statement. I decided to treat my nephews Buddy and NeNe to a movie after we did some shopping (of course they bugged me to buy these little cheap expensive toys that broke the moment we got home). Not wanted them to fall asleep on me during a movie--they are little dudes--6 and 4 yrs old, I opted with MIB 3 versus 2 hr 20 min long Avengers movie though the wanted to see the Hulk and Ironman. Once at the theater popcorn and lemonade quickly got their mind off and the Avengers and we settled in to watch Will Smith do his thing.

Now I have to admit, I am def not a 100% Will Smith fan. Sure I know all the words to Summer Time, and the intro to Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and I may have even walked the first MIB right along with the rest of you, but as a grown woman he's not necessarily my cup of tea. But hey, I was with my boys so it didn't matter.

The movie had it's share of laughs, I mean real laugh out loud. But one line by a character named Griffin hit me center mass. Griffin is an alien who is able to see all possible futures. While trying to help the agents save the world he states, the bitterest truth is better than the sweetest lie. I was stunned. Stunned. Who would expect such weighted words! But they stuck to me. Hit my heart quicker than a break-up. I quickly grabbed my cell and made a note of it and have been thinking of those worlds since. 

I have heard some of the sweetest lies that dripped honey from the liar's tongue and drizzle syrupy sticky down my ear. Made me smile from ear to ear it did. Forget all notions of truth. Bury all inhibitions of truth six feet down. Deny that urge in my gut with justification. Yes I knew it was a lie. We know a lie at the moment it is told yet we love a lie at the moment it is told. In the long run maybe not so much, but in the temporal, we believe the lie because we desperately want to see the hope survive. Hope to see the good we desire for all to come to past. 

But those sweet lies only bring an end to great lives. We must learn to accept the truth no matter how bitter the pill may be to swallow. The crazy thing about the truth is that it must prevail in order for greatness to exist. I won't spoil the movie, but had the agents not listened to Griffin and told the truth the future would have been drastically altered. 

Allow the truth to kill the lie so that you can live. 

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Welcome to America. . . .

Currently Frank Ocean is spinning in the CD changer in my car. He's gotta fresh voice and lyrics to match. His love songs are intimate yet shallow at the same time. One of his hottest tracks, American Wedding sets on the Eagles Hotel California sample--that song alone takes me back to EC's bowling alley...ahhh memories..okay back to Ocean...yeah. I'm blasting it for the umpteenth time on the way home; drowning out of the guitar licks and focusing on the lyrics...

I took a walk with the palm trees as the daylight fell
Sangria in a canteen
Talking to myself
This tattoo on my left hand
Is turning purple-ish blue
Daydreams of the romance
Daydreams of you
My pretty woman in a ballgown
I'm Richard Gere in a tux
Getting married in a courthouse
Writing vows in a rush
Making out before the judge
With my teenage wife
Got a wedding band done
That I just might die with

It's an American wedding
They don't mean too much
But we were so in love
We had an American wedding
Now what's mine is yours
That's American law

Now I'm sure Mr. Ocean had something specific on his mind when composing these words and being just an appreciator of great music, I can only speak of my intent. I can't help to think of the deterioration of the state of relationships...especially marriage, do they really not mean much? Have little girls and boys been dreaming an impossible dream? Or has the dream lived too long in fantasy and little boys and girls who become young men and women can't distinguish the dream from reality??

I question this about many things in life, marriage only being one of them. Do we really understand the difference between fantasy and reality? Sure we can regurgitate several aphorisms right now. . . all that glitter ain't gold, good things come to those who wait, yeah yeah yeah but what's the point if they are only words? Statistically ain't nobody listening--half of those who marry get divorced within less than 3 years. Folks marry and divorce like they change undies...daily. 

But marriage is just one area of our lives we live haphazardly about. We do the same with our education. We start and stop and then through away opportunities only to live to adulthood and wish we would have pushed forward in spite of the anthill in our way. 

M-r- s dot Kennedy
She signed her name in pen
In a fancy fancy cursive
Then turned her term papers in
A thesis on Islamic virgin brides and arranged marriage
Hijabs and polygamist husbands
Those poor unamerican girls
After school she ran to me
Jumped in my 5.0
This is the home of the brave
Land of the free
But your parents still didn't know
She said I've had a hell of a summer
So baby
Don't take this hard
But maybe we should get an annulment
Before this goes way to far

It's just an American wedding
They don't mean too much
They don't last enough
We had an American wedding
Now what's mine is yours
American divorce

Well you can have my mustang
That's all I've got in my name
But Jesus Christ don't break my heart
This wedding ring won't ever wipe off
But if you stay
Girl if you stay
You'll probably leave later anyway
It's love made in the U.S.A.

How do we get to a place where it does matter and does have meaning? How do we get to a place where love truly lasts for a life time.....

Friday, May 11, 2012

Chasing a Shadow

I've been a wreck this week. I have come to the reality that I am leaving. Leaving my job of 10 years, my family, friends. My home. It's not like when I left for college. Then I knew I was returning home soon. Soon could have been the weekend, a school break, the summer, etc. Throughout my collegiate career I knew I where home was and knew how to easily get there. Yet this leave places me in a variety of unknowns. Sure I will have the privilege of frolicking around New York City for five weeks, but it won't be home.

I am in a new position in my life where I have to create the is concept of home for myself. I truly must define these parameters myself. The task, monumental to say the least, seems daunting at the moment. So much that I have tried not to think of it, yet that is all I find myself thinking of. These logistics juxtaposed the emotional aspects have left me in tears all week. In my misty eyes my heart is heavy; the causal on-looker my not notice but those with depth most likely see the sag.

Bittersweet. Bittersweet explains it best.

Where I go from here and how I get there is a mystery. I just know that when the day comes I will arrive ready. My journey has prepared me for that moment. I am learning that I must give in to the moment. I can't hold a moving object still.

I must keep chasing the I move it moves...a continuous motion....