When I heard it I instantly thought about my high school flame, Carthell. I think I still love him??? I use question marks because I am really trippin about this one! I mean do you ever really stop loving someone? Honestly I can say I have only really loved a couple of men in my short life, one I am completely over but Carthell, I don't know what it is about this dude that he is always on my mind! I am trying to rationalize every possible reasoning behind my feelings. Maybe it is that I infatuated with the idea of what could be if we were to get back together...or maybe its the idea I know he loved me when we were together. Real talk I know he loved me for me no questions asked. Maybe that's the deal. The ideal of his love being real is what captures my heart and makes me want he again! So maybe I didn't get over him. Maybe I am still in love with him?
In my short years, finding real love is not an easy task in 2008! It seems like I am not coming in contact with those men who want something real, not commercial and artificial. I am not saying it has be to a committed relationship. I am open to almost anything, almost! Friends first is my motto. No matter if the relationship is casual , temporary, or lasting in permanency, I want it to be real. Being a grow(ing) woman means I can accept the things that come in my life for a moment or a life time with no hard feelings whatsoever! Regardless, I'm ready for the next big thing or person in my life.
I am at a stage in my life where I am really thinking. Seriously I think about each step I make and why I make it and my intentions for making it! When I time has expired I don't wanna look back in regrets for anything! I wanna say I took ever opportunity to love, live, and grow!